:D

20030930

these few days totally suck to the core.
i mean totally.
sunday sucked cos i had to revise.
and monday sucked cos i had to revise monday's stuff and the stuff that i left out for sunday.
and today sucked cos i had to revise today's stuff and the stuff that i left out for monday.
i keep on leaving out stuff.
why?
cos i can't manage my own time.
especially chinese.
life sucks man.
i mean.
life rocks but i suck.
okay.
perhaps i'm too emotional.
finish reading one chinese ci yu and start crying.
clear up.
start reading.
cry.
clear up.
start.
cry.
clear.
again and again.
dammit.

life is like a sine graph =)
7:19 PM

20030927

today. english exam.
god.
it sucked.
i mean.
totally.
i thought my compo was ok.
and the compre i wrote crap.
that i know.
my vocab sucked.
and my summary sucked as well.
then at home in the bath.
i just thot again.
and realised
i didn't put the last sentence
"As i board the shaky bus, the dark blue sky is touched by a tint of dawn and the colour of the sky lightens..."
this is so shitty.
that is the main sentence
of the whole thing
and i forgot
to put it in.
that rhymes.
like i care about rhyming it.
shit.

met maznah at mobil.
boarded the same bus 132.
boarded the same train.
met at the bridge.
chat.
chat.
test her on science.
bus.
boarded the same bus.
went to porcupine.
bought sweets and marshmellows.
went to sakuraya.
bought peach hichew and kani maki.
maz totally blur about sushi.
wanted same.
then eel.
then sashimi.
then same.
then salmon.
oops.
i forgot to warn her.
that the salmon was raw.
walked me to my hse.
that's so nice maz.
hugz.
lame.
studying now.
chinese.
science.
geog.
lit.
math.
completed:
nothing.

life is like a sine graph =)
7:59 PM

20030926

it's been raining these days.
its a wonder maznah doesn't bring along her windbreaker.
well.
will be taking the morning bus till next wednesday.
well.
kinda boring.
loads of homework.
really tired.
monday slept late because of art.
tuesday slept late because of revision for chinese and science.
see lah.
my mum made me study chinese more.
now i almost failed my science.
so its gonna be my fault again.
i hate my life.
its always my fault.
my my my
mine.
well.
tired.
going out with debra and gen later on.
emily may not be coming.
bell just went.
end.

life is like a sine graph =)
1:26 PM

20030919

a week passed. again. i've become more miserable. this bitch just reminded me about all the mistakes i've made this year. all the mistakes. the misery. everything. now i've got this feeling. the same old feeling when i did something wrong. the stupid feeling that i've got after quarreling. the feeling that i can't describe. its my fault. again.

you. you bitch. slut. don't ever try to threaten me with that. EVER. say what - i'm rude? yeah right. must i always listen to you? just because you're a fucking senior of mine. what's the problem. you can't tolerate other people huh. why not try and sort out yourself. get this straight. what i do doesn't concern you. although you may say you're trying to help me get a good image in front of seniors. well. i can't be bothered. yeah. so shut up. thanks.

i didn't know. i didn't know she was such a slut. i didn't know such a quiet person can just damage and destroy someone so simply. her strange stare. it didn't mean anything to me. now i know. i know why everyone knows what a fucking bitch i am. even the DM. yeah. i'm gonna hate her. that bitch. that bitch in my senior class.

life is like a sine graph =)
1:17 PM

20030913

had band todae. isn't that the starting line of practically every one of the recent posts. bah. late. the seniors said start at 7.30. but mrs chua told us 8. bah. our fault again. did some mechanics and all those blah blah with mr chua. he praised us. [ego ego] perhaps it was because we were playing the low part, that's why can hear the dynamics. but unfortunately, emily went off into the bass clarinet section. she's tall. haiz. hope she doesn't get too sad or something.

played [wind+tree] with the main band and [i will follow him]. haiz. hafta conclude that the sec1s just destroy the song. well. i'm going to play ppp for all the songs. its best. just in case i play wrongly. so just keep quiet. different sitting position eh. somehow no space or something. had to sit at 2nd row next to meiling. and gen next to grace. scary. [wind+tree] is nice. when the whole band plays together. excluding the sec ones of course. then went through [i will follow him]. didn't know how to play it. went through some scales with mrs chua. meiling so kind!! showed me how to play the scales. hee. tilted her clarinet to let me see how to play it. so nice rites!! :)

practiced on our own after combined. brynn came and sorta pulled emily and nurul away. tryout for bass clarinet. nurul for bass clarinet?!! kinda impossible ya. i mean. no offence. but she's short. i mean. shorter than me! and i probably can't even reach the bass clarinet. so tall. goodness. so emily got in. haiz. poor her. 8 months of clarinet down the drain. and she's the most hardworking one. honestly. she's the one that goes back home and practices more than anyone else. really. she's the one that bothers to practice [i will follow him] when we weren't told to do so. she's the one who can produce the best sound out of all of us. she's the one that got praised by fiona. (oh and btw. the fiona days are over. yayy!! no more "1. 2. 3. 4. 5. run 10 rounds" kinda thingy!! no more!! but here comes the brynn and regina days...*sigh*) now she's stuck with bass clarinet. poor her. hope she'll like joanne. just like how she likes brynn. no offence.

had to prac with seniors. nobody in particular wanted to take me. except for meiling. so kind rite! had to prac the long notes and stuff in [i will follow him]. bleh. had to go band rm. whole band kana scolding from xiangning and lilian. gosh. we weren't even informed abt going back. anyway. changed instruments. regina gave me a spoilt clarinet. said to go home and try it and see if it works. well. it doesn't. hafta change it on monday. not change. take back my bao bei. my dearest one which has accompanied me for 8 months? going siow liao.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:22 PM

20030911

had band today..almost late..surprisingly no sec 1 combined..went to 3c2 for clarinet combined..so scary..sumore chao cold..brrrh..had to sit next to brynn and pamela -_-"" makes me more tense..played quite a lot of mistakes..then mr chua said we need to practice..but we dun haf the book..dunno lar..had whole band combined..feel very strange..sumore play a lot of mistakes as well..scary..well..have to practice tmr..anyway..on tuesday i breathed through the clarinet wrongly..through my mouth and throat..now i got sore throat..very pain.. :(

life is like a sine graph =)
11:49 PM

20030910

bah..today started off kinda late. practiced practical for breakfast -_-" bah. kinda shi bai. used com until very late..then started to do filing..by the time i finished..time to go out..bleh..went to centrepoint..then paragon..then taka..then home..and then to the esplanade :)

watched [forbidden city]..totallie kewl ok!! it rawks! reallie luv that show..if i got time i'll buy a more ex tix..then watch it again..at a better point of view..cos my dad bought the 10 bucks one..totallie lousee seat kie..the ones at the side at the top floor..had to strain the whole time during the show to watch..scared i fall off..security was damn tight..didn't kno why..got this chao cute guard dog..so guai can..can shake hand with the policeman also..:P..then at the beginning of the show..we had to stand up and clap for PM Goh to come in..so kewl can..watching the same show as s'pore's PM..anywae had to stand and clap when he left as well..hahaz..so mah fan..anyway..great show..farnie sometimes too..esp with those 'record keepers'..really ke ai..their voices are very strong lor..can hear from like..50m away? no need mike lor..and in the end all the actors and actresses came out..was really surprised they used 6 emperors..one small one..two about 15..and another two about 30 plus..the small one really kewt!! like..5 plus? really cute lor..yepz..i thot only got 4..hahaz..bleh..kit chan rox ;)

at the beginning of the show..the emcee said "please switch off all handphones and pagers at all times of the show. Ladies and gentlemen, The Forbidden City." and immediately some GOON's phone went rrriiiiing. and the whole audience chuckled -_-"" kinda lame huh.

life is like a sine graph =)
11:47 PM

20030909

yar..went to sch early for lit project..then had band today..bleh..played [wind+tree]..like the last part of the song..SLs took us..ya..had section bonding outside the band rm after band..bleh..nth else..

i guess i've learnt a lesson today..served me right..yep..its my fault..yet again..i've disappointed myself..and ms tan as well..sorry..i just can't stop blaming myself..i won't ask you for anymore favours..i won't go for counselling..no..never..not going to confide in anyone..won't be so stupid anymore..no..ms tan..you're just my teacher..can't do much for me..u're not my hero or anything..nobody is..and you won't need to worry yourself over me..you won't need to care about me anymore..i'm just a damn sucky stupid student who is damn extra in your class..not fit to be in hcl class..i hope never to consult you again..

she was nice..yes..nice enough to talk nicely to me..to tell me in a good-mannered way..i'm lucky..way way way too lucky..to have such a perfect senior...totally..great to be a mother..haiz...the two people..whom all the juniors tremble under when they take us..they are totallie unexpectable..giving up because of us..i mean..we don't know what other people feel..of course we won't do SOMETHING if they don't tell us anything..and of course..they didn't...and we don't know!..but now..you are telling me all this..i know its for our section's own good..but..telling me..and me only..what is the point?! i can't do anything - can't tell my section, can't say anything, can't even act out anything..even if you tell me..there's nothing i can do..it just makes me feel guilty...i know that you want ME to change..yeah..its my fault..I BRAVELY ADMIT..for being so unreasonable..the ONLY THING i can do..is to change myself..AND I ASSURE YOU I CAN DO IT..by the end of the year..i will be able to reach what you expect of me..or else..you can do anything you like..but..i do NOT assure you that the WHOLE SECTION can change..that is up to them..and i am not going to do anything because i am not supposed to.

they want the respect..i will give it to them..and i am also assuring you that I can..but i can't do anything about the section..leave that to you all...because i'm not supposd to do anything...hey...let me say this...I WANT TO LISTEN..its not i don't wanna..its the others who don't wanna..and i don't wanna pintpoint anyone..before i get misunderstood AGAIN and say i backstab anyone..no..not again..perhaps you should be stricter..or else they won't listen..I WANT TO IMPROVE..I WANT TO BE WELL-MANNERED..but look..if one of us does something wrong..the whole section gets reprimanded..yeah..like brynn said.."if one of us cannot play, the whole band cannot play well"...its kinda unfair isn't it..yeah..the band part you can't control that..but the section part you can..why not find the root of the whole problem..and get it solved..so you won't need to punish all of us..including the innocent ones...and furthermore..if you punish us..the SLs get double eh?...why be so mean to yourself...its not i dun wanna get punishment when i deserve it..but what about the innocent people who didn't even do anything wrong..they're dragged in as well..i know we are all equal..but some of us treat us as MUCK..they don't even darn care about the seniors..what can i do? its not i dun wanna do anything...if i did..they'd say i'm bossy and suck up to the seniors;..if i didn't..then they'll start blaming everyone except themselves..do you get it..they don't wanna cooperate..and i don't wanna do anything before i get into trouble like the last time...

be fair..when you're right, you're right..when you're wrong, you're wrong..don't blame yourself when you're not...yeah..we're unfair..yeah..really..i want us to change..i really do..but what can i do? i'm not a da ren wu or anything..i'm just a nobody..a stupid idiot..can't do anything..a total bitch..yep..hey..i know you're trying to be nice to me..but both of us know the truth..i'm not one to be reprimanded..i won't do anything real good..you know..i can't really improve..i'm born like that don't you realise?? i'm just a no-good bitch who can't get things right FOREVER! and no one doesn't know that they all totallie hate us..i'm just lucky to even know that fact..

a section needs to be united..i've heard dat plenty of times...haiz..its not the section cannot be united..if only some of us make the effort to be united with everyone then we would definately become closer..but i've tried..i've tried so hard..for so many months..to be closer with her..she has written a letter before..saying about forgiviness..at that time we forgave each other..but what now..i didn't do anything wrong did i..whats the point daoing me..i dunno..i dunno whats her problem..i dunno why..i want us to be united as the junior band..yeah..its great you know..if all of us can be together happily...real great..it'd be fun..and everyone would look forward to band..

now i know what to do.."shut up when i'm supposed to and shoot when i'm supposed to"..i'm really lucky..really really lucky...to be in this school..i might have gone to some crappy school..st margs maybe..and i'm really very very lucky to be in this wonderful class..and the luckiest of me is to be in this grand band..in the clarinet section..really really lucky to have nice seniors..forgiving..sigh..i don't know what to do..i don't wanna do anything..i just..just..feel like stoning..forever..and ever..never to un-stone again...that would be great, wouldn't it? i could escape from all my troubles..for ever....

honestly. i'm really lucky. really. one of the most luckiest people on earth. i wonder why.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:03 PM

20030908

please control your mouse. don't.

i've seen their blogs. they didn't do it. i mean. yeah. i know. my fault yeah. they can be meanos if u think it frm that point of view. i didn't really do anything real nice. they just pitied me. yeah. i don't wanna blend in. they're just the kewl crowd. i've got other friends. to them, i'm only a pathetic sweets supplier. just some stupid sweets supplier. a sorta last resort. for sweets. i don't like it when she uses that voice to get sweets frm me. i don't wanna do anything bad. really. they want sweets, they just take. i dun wanna object or anythin. the sweets are for all to enjoy. i don't wanna make a big fuss outa this. our class already has too many cliches. i know they hate gen seow. i wonder how gen can tahan being caught in the middle. poor thing. i know. its my fault. all this. causing them to hate gen seow. really. i shouldn't have done it. i shouldn't. i shouldn't have cried or anything. should've stayed at home that day. should've ponned school. i won't say anything else. in case i offend some people. yeah. i admit its my fault. you guys don't hafta do anything. yeps. end of everything. don't come near me. i'm not fit to be your friend. you wanna sweet, just take. and leave. i don't wanna have anything to do with them. no more. uh-uh. nah. i've got lots of other frens. -smiles-

what crap. crappy. what's gone into me liao.

life is like a sine graph =)
7:38 PM

long time no blog..dad fetched me after sch on fri..went home to change and pack..left at about dinnertime..had macs for dinner..yepz..not bad..talking abt macs..i'm hungry.. :( went thru the customs and all that crappy tolls..then slept...and then woke up..reached hotel liaow..m'sia hotels suck..but that one was okay..yep..had supper..really late..then watched some tv and slept..till like 9 plus..

went to tampin with 2 relatives..one of them cut his hair botak..totallie kewt to feel..bleh..reach there at abt lunchtime..then helped out to make the dragon lantern..yep..shiok..went for lunch in a damn strange place..lotsa flies..bleh..then went back to the hse..and fooled ard as usual..then helped the uncles to make the dragon..really long dragon..8 ppl can hold it..yep..real kewl..really good s'pore quality plastic with cellophane paper covered on it..yeps..and sequins pasted on it as well..head and tail sprayed lightly with orangy spray paint..kewl..my uncle's artwork certainly paid off in the end..and sumore his wife did most of the dragon head..yeps..lots of "hair" made by cellophane paper..curly "hair"..bleh..and also a lot of "hair loss" becos of me..didnt really kno how to separate the cuts..in the end a lot of small pieces were torn..bleh..the dragon had this two plastic balls sticking out frm the nostrils..totallie ke ai...

all the small kiddies carried the dragon..damn long man...i made the ball of fire for the dragon to "chase" after...lots of pple say i did it very nice [ego ego -_-"]...bleh...was really ke ai..the whole dragon..shall put a pic here if i have the time..bleh..sang b'day song for g'dad..then ate some cake..bleh..had to go baq to hotel by then..abt 1+ liaow..then slept in the car..again..and was totallie tired...slept at 2+..sunday was totallie short..ate brunch..noodles..yum..went to tesco to get some groceries..then went to g'ma hse..boring...did my math homework there..and ate small lunch..went up to tampin again...had to leave at abt 6+..went on the highway..and back to singapore..yeps..slept a lot..haiz..peeg...

today was totallie boring in the morning...maths makeup frm 8.30am [mytian. so early can.] till 10.30..bleh...then went to watch homerun with yining + sharyl...relli touching..bleh..cried a few times..seow fang looks like my cuz..really..so ke ai can..bleh..running like a million times..bah...went coffeebean to have a drink wif sharyl..then went home..now being scolded by mum..ALL BECAUSE OF A FARKING STUPID DUNNO WARD CLASS MY FATHER IS WANTING TO CONDUCT FOR MY CLASSMATE...BITCH..CAN'T YOU SEE THAT MY FRIENDS ARE TOTALLIE NOT INTERESTED IN MINDMAPPING!!!! SHUT UP YOU FREAKS..DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE OLDER YOU CAN SCOLD ME LIKE A THOUSAND AND ONE TIMES A DAY...FARKING SLUTS..DAMN YOU ALL...

bah..nth to write liaow..oh..my fish is ok..all normal.. :)

life is like a sine graph =)
6:24 PM

20030905

bleh..stupid mac..closed a browser..now whole post gone..shall retype..

sigh..its friday again..gonna leave my best friend for 2 days + 2 nights..my poor fish..the most zhi hui fish in the world..sigh..hope it'll survive in that bucket of water with some seaweed and food...for 2 days..sigh..*hugs*

yesterday was boring as usual..bleh...had band..sec ones was kinda reprimanded by BM + DM..bleh..so damn stupid..must be regina who told them abt ppl quitting..tsk..next time i'm not gonna give any clues through my nick..shall type everything in japanese..

had 1 hr with mrs chua..kinda started afresh..well..clarinet sounded flat..:(..played a page frm [wind+tree]..kinda nice if the whole section plays..pamela's first clarinet part sounded so high lor..anyway..some pathetic goons forgot to ask brynn for [i will follow him]..so need to ask frm pamela..bleh..haiz...clarinet kinda de-proving..tho breathing improved a little bit..breathes frm stomach..a bit strange..they announced the new band com yest..

ok...bell rang liaow..gtg..

life is like a sine graph =)
1:35 PM

20030903

blehz..so long no blog..very bz these days. sunday went to the stewpid tution againz..very bored there..almost kana scolding by teacher coz was toking on sms..blehz..me and debra made a bet..see who sms each other first..then must treat the other person macs xtra value meal..so stewpid..but at least good for her revision for her 'O's..went to the west coast park to fly kites..so kewl can..when keeping the kite the string snapped..then me and dad raced to get it..blehs..so malu in front of so many pple..but i ran faster than my daddy!! hahaha :P naanaaneepoopoooo

got up early on monday *yawnz* went to MRT station to get pbl group..xiangmei din come..yusheng's mum fetch us frm mrt to mi hse..so cool can..yeppz..yusheng ur mum rox! ^_^ okie..did some pbl for like 2-3 hrs..then went to watch TV with yusheng..ate a lotz..crunchie..chips..oreos..heehee tania was sick..but we LURED her into eating all that junk..heez. :P then slacked frm then to lunchtime..mum da-pao-ed chicken rice + fishballs for us :) yumz..then they went home a bit after that at abt 3..then i started to do the stupid home econs prosporal thingy...then did until almost 7..then bathed..and did somemore..ate dinner..did even more..STOOPID can..need to search for so much rubbish recipes..slept abt like 12 plus..tired outz..

tuesday..sleepy the whole day...blehz..boringz..poor sharyl..she wasn't prepared for the oritoricals..DAMN MS DORAI..shit her man..she didn't give sharyl back her script..so sharyl didn't prepare..and MS DORAI DIDN'T TELL SHARYL THE ORITORICALS WERE ON TUES...damn her manz...sucker..totally..so sharyl kinda teared after that..sighz..sharyl..hope u feel better now..you have a thousand more chances in life to show your talent okie :) cheer up! lit mass lec was boring..back very suan..the auditorium doors were like..slamming shut all the time..blehz..so siau..then opening again...-_-" then was thinking of going JP after that..but couldn't go..so go mobil! hahahaha...blehz..

today..totallie boring..slept through cheena class..hahaz..there's band tmr *clapz* finally after lyk so many weeks..shall practice once more tonight..right now in ITC..doing PBL...kaez..datz all...

life is like a sine graph =)
3:34 PM