style



samanthaho.
ham one :D
lala's stonefish!
wanky's FAN`
samhosky =)
marm's sumatha :D
311090 ((:
tratakkaa@hotmail.com

crescentgirls'school.
*4s206.
ex-#cgssb`
anglo-chinesejuniorcollege.
1AA4 :)
acjc concert band :D:D:D
mus'art! (:
klarinette; :D




acjc concert band :D #cgssb abigail aisyah amos andrina annie benjamin brynn cindy emily ersalina enjia farrah grace ivy jamie janice jin joshua karmen kristen leemin liyun lynette meiling nicoletey ning pam peilin peiting priscilla rachel rachelyeo ruth shaheera shahrul sheree shiany siti suiying suzanna tajuddin teresa wanqi xiling yining yueqi yusheng zhihao
sg bandfusion
my flickr

designer: Leiquitre
brushes: 1 2
photo: Photographer Julian Cheng from Singapore BandFusion


wishlist
1. acjc band to get GWH for syf
2. new pencilcase!
3. new wallet
4. new shoes (sports/flats)
5. new phone?
20040430

oh yes. tags.

[shiany] noo must believe in yourself! ((: you can do it! yay.. ':| lame. ya ok you must jiayou ar! yayy for mortal.

[ys] thanks again. haha you're always encouraging me. thanks loads. good luck too. and you must tc also. if i smile you must smle too! (: jiayou`

[lijin] haha. do i care? [meann] your loved one hasn't replied for 8637363943669864385 years.. heheh.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:51 PM

sigh.
im sick.
-snifff.

shall crap out whatever i need to crap.

tuesday.
don actually rmb what happened.
hm.
was a very rush day.
science was crappy.
chinese had tingxie.
geog was. ok i have a geog mock paper for the weekend.
english was crap. as usual.
not as bad as science.
got extremely pissed during cs.
actually went downstairs to pack my desk in the middle of cs!
but in the end i changed box again after assembly.
its a very nicely decorated used-batteries box.
yeah. hilarious.
assembly was redundant.
looked for gohws after sch.
pfft.
shes showing fake concern over the funeral.
whatever.
usual goh ws huh?
eck. tgt with her josef tan.

think i looked silly carrying a used-batteries box.
people'd think im carrying a whole box of batteries.
haha.

went home by dads car.
ate taopao noodles.
bathed.
pack and pack.
no time to revise.
went straight to msia.

can you believe i brought:
-1 digital dictionary
-2 thick manual dictionaries
-and a whole stack of cheena notes.
to msia.
totally. stupid.

oh i have yet to kill mstan for not giving us any gouci for 5 lessons.
cos i spent like a million hours fixing up all the gouci.
ya. ok i feel like eating takopachi.
i just feel like saying it so i just said it.
i wanna eat takopachi NOW.
ok this is bitching.

did the gouci stuff frm sg to msia.
totally mad.
cos it takes 3 hrs to get to my grandad's hometown.
i was like mug mug muggin in the car.
headache like siao.
shakeshakeshake.
uhkkk.

stopped at some food kiosk.
ate some pok-kai kfc.
tsk. the whip potato like mud.
sauce like shit.
and the popcorn chicken.
hard like mad.
tsk. nevermind.
shouldn't expect too much from msia food.
ugh. suck like crap.

started off at 3.30,
reached at 7.
30 mins at kiosk.
yep..
the wake was like
wow
full of people.
just in time for first prayer.
had to change into mourning clothes.
children of deceased - white clothes black pants
grandchildren of deceased - white clothes blue pants
yeah..
3 nuns.
praypraypray..
chantchantchant..
sitsitsit..
kneelkneelkneel..
bowbowbow..
stand. serve joss stick.
prayy..
something like that.
lasted about 5-10 minutes?
yeah.

second prayer.
about the same thing.
this time had to 'serve tea'.
each person pour a little tea
and in the end the tea is transferred into the sacrificial bowl.
yeah.
and then we walked around the coffin.
and serve joss stick.
yep.

talk about coffin.
i could see my gonggong's face! (:
haha. they ordered a glass cover one.
first it was scary..
like. omg.
gonggong like. can move one!
haha..just imagination.
yeah.
lower body was covered with holy cloth?
and there was a broken recording of some chanting sitting there repeating and repeating a million times.
hai..

oh yeah.
dad bought mos burger.
for sacrifice.
*well apparently msia does not have mos!
cos grandad loved mos.
like me.
-cry.
he loves the same burger that i love.
just like me.
nono.
im just like him.
-crys again.
sigh..

lots of prayers.
got sick of them
ughh.
nuns are..
annoying.
in a way.
trendy too.
saw one of them using handphone eh.
sms sumore.
':|
lol..
total about..4 or 5 prayers?
yeah.
ended quite late.
about 11 plus?
don rmb..
decided to go back to hotel cos it was nearly midnight.
and i stank of incense.

wednesday.
had a hard time waking up.
went straight to the wake.
had breakfast.
oh and yeah.
everything was vegetarian.
so the dinner last night was..
vegetarian noodles.
and vegetarian rice.
and some vegetarian vegetables..
>:\\ lame!
but i din really eat
cos i was..
drinking?
yeah. drinking and drinking loads of water.

breakfast was..
porridge.
vegetarian..
yeah.
had mushrooms.
potato
carrots
and other disgusting things like nuts.
decided to eat it all the same
with some fried potato fritter. youtiao.
yeah.

oh and the funeral mini band came.
they were from some pub.
yuck they sounded like beginners!
beginners i tell you!
beginners! amauteurs!
um. 1 clarinettist.
1 trumpeter.
1 percussionist (a drumset)
1 euphonist.
thats all.
disgusting music.
yuck they spoil the music.
ughh.
and the clarinet!
omg squeak donno how many times!
should have brought my clarinet
played a solo
ick. i would've been better!
arghhh. should have agreed to my uncle's request for me playing for the funeral..

had a last look at my grandad.
they put a thick dragon blanket on him.
for warmth in afterlife i guess.
had a prayer when they sealed up the coffin.
i hate the undertakers.
they screw on the coffin lid like.
like as if they would die if they didnt screw so viciously.
screw them.
yes screw them.
was crying like shit when i saw them screw.
i was like omg.
you dare!
and then blahblah all the memories.
and the mosburger stuff also.
ya. think im the only grandchild who cried.
sigh..

all the aunts were crying.
the uncles..haha. they must've done it at home.
ended the prayer.
continued with breakfast like nothing happened.
argh..
slacked with cousins.
and got ready for the rest.

the funeral procession..
was about. 3 km?
yeah. everyone was like.
lookin so sad.
ah well.
there was this hugehugehugee. main band.
with a lot of extra recruits.
hahaha.
the recruits more than the no of cgssb members!
and the main band is like. 70 peeps!
o_0
i am stunned.

2 committees came to give respects
one of which was the big band
and omg! their drum major is so chio!
i mean.
damn chio!! o_o
chio chio. ohmy..
not say peiting not chio la.
haha. think pt is chioer.
yar think so. haha!
heard that in m'sia they choose bm and dm by chioness.
umx...
-_-'

they unloaded the coffin into the van.
the family's not supposed to see it being moved.
i saw. shit.
am i cursed?
... ):

ya so it was like
-main band-
-casket van-
-famly-
-the recruits..-_- lame-
quite a long procession.
yeah and their marching was..
ok as lousy as ours.
not even marching..
ya. walked into a street, then into the main road.
haha. me and my cousin..
walk walk at the back.
then the band recruits behind us.
then the undertakers shoo us to the front to keep tgt.
then we slowly went behind again
cos the elderly extra people said the children must go first.
grandchildren behind.
so we were behind. again.
hai..so unorganised..

reached the end point of the procession.
saw the band's senang diri.
urps..
ok nevermind.
everyone in that band gets 5 ringgit for playing for the funeral.
wow.
and apparently they din play something or whatever
cos they need money?
something like that..
haha. could see that they needed money..
their instruments are so laopok!
snaredrums - rusted.
clarinet - rusted.
flute - tainted.
saxophone - rusted and tainted until like donno what!!
trumpet - tainted!!
ah well..

took a bus to the cemetery.
had to look away cos..
ya we're not supposed to see it being moved.
like before.
was playing with the wild cattails growing around.
ya. then we went to the spot where my grandad would be buried.
funny spot..
the supersticious ones were extremely angry.
cos the hole was like..
ya. funny?
facing wrong direction..
under a tree though.
means shade.. (:
ah well..
donno what fengshui..
ya. sigh.
but anyway.
the coffin went into the hole.
ya the hole was. lined with bricks.
and there were 3 lotus candles.
yep..

everyone prayed for the last time.
we served our joss sticks
then had to take some soil and throw into the hole.
like.. yeah. a meaning..
scared i hit gonggong later painpain..
cos i think mine was like.
a piece of mud-caked soil. a piece.
and it hit the coffin with a thud.
sorry gonggong.

then we had to walk back to the cemetery entrance
and we couldn't walk back to the hole (ok this is starting to sound obscene)
and couldn't look back
or else the deceased would not rip?
ya. too sad to leave the family cos the family keep on looking back.
yar.
in the middle we had to take off our socks
and throw them onto a patch of grass.
as in. to let go of the memories of the wake and funeral.
to let it be that my grandad had died.
yeah. and i was like.
nehhhh.. my ankle socks!
and my aunt borrowed another pair of ankle socks
and its like
i lost 2 pairs in a day..
haha. doesnt really matter.
muhaha. my uncle is a totally nike person.
and nike original.
then he had to throw his nike socks
and he was like.
my nike!!!!! -wails.
hoho. hilarious..

yar. went to a temple.
by bus. hired la.
prayed in the temple.
then had to wash hands and face with flower water?
ugh..
haha.
had to change into normal clothes too.
to show the deceased that we're not that depressed.
yeah so don worry about us. stuff like that.
yep. was totally famished.
but went back to sg straight.
yeah. so goodbyes. yepx.

sigh. long long morning.
and anyway i finally ate a&w curly fries on the way back to sg!
and i slept for 2 whole hours. great huh.
yep. about all for wed.
mugged like shit after that.

thursday.
el exam.
okok.
wonder why everyone says the compre is hard
is it?
or am i becoming the old me..
always don really think its hard..
then in the end get zero?!
-screams.
ok nevermind.
mugged till i died.
died at about 12.40 mn.
not very late actually.

today.
mtl exam.
im just gonna die.
did 2 drafts for letter
first draft was redundant - decided on formal letter then change
second draft i realised i was talkin abt the wrong thing from the start!
and i re-wrote the first 2 paras of my compo cos my handwriting was sucky.
fickle huh..
yeah and the paper?
im just gonna die. yeah.
hey i want a glass coffin like my grandad's ok.
i wonder who would turn up at my funeral if i really died.
certainly not bitch x.
ok i've inherited shiany's way of calling some bitch -bitch x.
shiany my bitch x is not your bitch x. kay.
argh. can bitch x just see that im trying to regard u as my best fren.
arghh. and bitch y. you crap. stole bitch x who is supposedly now my best fren.
k nvm.
bitch x and y sucks.
hah they dao-ed me today durng recess.
nevermind. shall not comment.
(x+y)^2 = x^2 + 2xy + y^2
roar..

talk about roar.
im having a horrible sore throat..
cos i slept late yest.
and i was rebellious yest.
and i was..blahhblah.
whatever..

played with the g1 kitten.
damn cute.
-petpet.
siamese. blue eyes.
haha..
i wanna adopt.
should get a pet cat.
kay nevermind.
get one for my bday ok (:

went out today.
yay. productive enough.
finally coaxed gen to come.
went towning at taka.
um. ate takopachi! yay.
i love takopachi.
i love takopachi.
i love takopachi.
yay. (:
prawn! ((:
gong guy nv put enough black sauce. :|
nevermind. at least its fresh! (:
yay. takopachii. heh. ;d licklips

ate diary queen - orangejulius.
ok first time eating
and today i decided to take the risk and eat?
ya. ate a small oreos blizzard.
argh brownie temptation is nice!
ok i shall try the cute cute cone one next time.
oh and i didnt get any stomachache!
success! and such a big cup too! (:

went cine.
was supposed to buy smurf for mstan.
but heard frm genli its fake
so bought a pillow
yar. always pillows..
yep. next friday! (:

went heeren.
bought..
lynny wallet.
omg lynny don scold ok!
genli ask me to buy one!
shall use it after the exams.
also bought cute cute stuff from action city!
yay.
2 kitten keychains
1 bowbrick.
bowbrick = bearbrick in dog form. -_-'
yep.
went home.
played phone with gen
haha we were like screaming in the bus when we dieded.
haha. stupid game.
oh ya. the guy behind us looked like william hung according to gen.
so we tried to take a pic of him with my phone
and its like we pretend to take pics of ourselves in self portrait
and we try to take him
and he tilts to the side cos we are taking pics! arghh!
lame. ya ok.
reached home.
let mum eat mos.
ate some sushi.

bathed.
surfing since justnow.
quite long.
k shall mug today.
donno why bitch x and y and also z all so hardworking
especially bitch x
pretence.
whatever. kk mugg. (:

yay. takopachi. ((:

life is like a sine graph =)
9:47 PM

20040426

sigh..
feel drained today.
've got a odd feelin.
feels odd my mum aint home.
sigh..

had quite a stupid time waking up this morning.
alarm went off and i was like.
huh..so fast?
then i switched on my light and i was like
wth why is it so damn bright!

haha.
um..
school was constipated.
feel funny all the time..
maybe cos i was wearing new blouse?
like sec one la.

din bring geog txtbk.
feel guilty..
sigh. shall mugmugmug.

damn pissed with the gou ci thing.
ughhh.
shall mug like shit.

pbl was constipated as well.
argh.
ms tan gave lecture.
i totally agree with her.
cant agree more.

at com lab now.
qiuyi just ditched me.
whatever.
gtg soon.
argh missin sch on wed..

shall go home and mugmug.
mugg.
i think its a pretty nice word.
sigh. so tired.
ok. must mug!
must mug 5 chi lessons.
muggymugmug..

canujustbespontaneous
idonhaveanymorestrengthtokeepholdinon
ineedtomug
youknowitdontyou
everyoneneedstomug
justletmedomine
andyoucandoyoursright
please
justbesmartenough
juststopbeingaburden
idonthaveanymorestrengthtoargue
idonwanto
idonhaveanymorestrengthtokeepontellinyou
donkeeponpushinyourresponsibilitiestoothers
dowhatyouhavetodoyourself
beresponsibleplease
idontwannahateyou
ivesaiditamilliontimes
pleasejustdowhatyouaresupposedto
justkeepyourselfok
stopmakinpeopleworriedboutyou
itsdifficultandstressful
justpleaseSTOPTHISSHITNOW
ireallyreallydonhaveanymorestrength
idonwannawastemystrengthonyou
cantstandyouanymore

one more time.
and i'll hate you to hell.
-roar.

life is like a sine graph =)
4:15 PM

20040424

-roars.
recently ive been roarin a lot..

whatever.
im still in a state of shock
but quite ok already
sighh
today is totally unproductive
yuck man
totally.
ugh.

realised that if you're slack,
you'll feel drained and tired.
thats kinda stupid huh.
you can just sit and nod off to sleep.
and you'll feel like.
omg im damn tired.
when you've just woken up like 2 hours ago and had a 2 hr breakfast.
[ok the 2 hr breakfast consisted of only chocolate pocky so im just a slow eater]
hehe.
sigh.
this is gonna be a damn unproductive weekend.
im 3 days behind muggin schedule.

yesterday the relatives were yakkin from like
dinner time?
to one, two plus?
couldn't even work in peace.
even if i went up up up stairs
and did my work on my bed
i could still hear them yakkity yakkin
and i was like
omg i cant tahan
and i went to sleep at early 12 midnight!
yuckss it was so unproductive.
pisses me out.

couldn't work today
so frustrated at this point of time
about my granddad
and about me being home alone and stuckk.
i feel so damn constipated.
ive been sittin around for the whole day
trying to do work
using the com
blahblah.
ughh.
unproductive.
argh..stomach pains again.
-roars.
im just so pissed..

annoying.
its almost ten.
just realised that i have quite a few hw still pending.
-roars.
its just so helpless.
im not gonna sleep tonight.
-roars even louder.

gnaws at my finger.
its purple
green
blue
black.
super!
gnaw gnaw gnaw.
-roars.

apparently my mum is gonna go to my grandad's hometown
from monday until donno when
so im quite free
as in
FREEDOM! omg!
but..sigh.
God gave me freedom at the wrong time..
i still need to mug! crap.
sigh.
i need to go for the funeral
sometime next week
and apparently it is on friday
and i HAVE to be there at 11.50 am
cos the ritual thingy has to start like donno how many odd number days after he died.
AND I DO NOT WISH TO POSTPONE OR TAKE MY EXAM AT A DIFFERENT TIME!
shit.
i have to go. even if its on a friday.
hope it gets changed to wednesday
or monday
or even sunday (yuck. the body would rot..)
not friday.
if it really is on friday.
even if i really have to go.
im not goin.
no ones gonna force me.
ive got my motivation back yay.
im gonna stay man.
i aint missin my chinese tests for anything
cos i just want it to be over asap.
yeahh.
omg i sound so despo.
ok nehmind.
dad needs pc.
well he doesnt need it
he wants it does he
everyone just wants to use coms
it aint a need.
ok im so.
crappified today.
ok.
hw time!
motivation..

[stop.botherinme.]

life is like a sine graph =)
9:57 PM

my granddad just died.
i donno how to react.
did i curse him?
i think i did.
must have been my fault.
im just in a state of shock.

don understand the way of things anymore

school.
finger turned purple
infested the whole finger
turned red during last period
moved too much
blood vessels burst.
whatever.

stayed back in sch.
did tuition homewk.
in lib. shall go there to study in future.
very nice. quiet.

great thing is
tuition teacher din even go through or collect the homework
and i spent like the whole afternoon trying to finish it.
im so pissed at her.
nevermind.

bought some stuff to eat
apparently mos bread is not nice
too much herbs and spices
so don buy that.

went hospital
supposed to visit granddad
finger aching like siow
went to accident and emergency
cos there was no other clinic
so shitty huh.
doc said everything is fine
ugh.
if everything was fine why is my finger so swollen
crappy doc.

went to see my grandad
the icu ppl said he could go within the next 3 days.
condition already quite bad
stood outside icu holding my finger medicine
din kno what to do.
went home.

argh my relatives are over again
but this time i don actually mind
cos my grandad is in this kinda state..
yeah.
but donno
since they came ive been slackin like shit
don FEEL like doin hw or rev.
argh. where did the motivation go to..

today.
woke up damn late
watched wonderwoman
tho i kno its a crappy show
nice ending anyways.
ate and ate and slacked.
until now
i haven touched my pen
sigh.
dad called to say grandad died
donno what i shd be doing
im so neutral.

am i supposed to cry?

i donno.

what will happen to the old hse he stays in
that ulu ulu place in tampin

i donno.

what will all my aunts and uncles do
what will my parents do
what will happen
are the paramedics saving him
are they succeeding
is he goin to revive
am i supposed to go to the hospital to see him for one last time
am i supposed to sit here and do nothing
what is happenin around me

i donno.

i really donno what to do already
im just so lost.

so so lost.

life is like a sine graph =)
12:12 PM

20040422

ok today is totally sucky.
that bitch..whats her name already.
tsk.

played against 1s1 again.
sighh.
that holy bitch omg.
hate her to bits.
hope she will rot to hell.
omg. she sucks like shit.

'fractured' my finger.
hm. it seems like something that claire had.
omg. its only a sprain right?
stupid stupid bitch.
tsk.
its the second finger of my right hand.
say what.
tskk! i cant write without havin pain.
hate hate hate.
stupid woman.
my finger is swelling like nothing.
its black.
twice the size of my other second finger.
and my parents are refusing to let me go to the doc's.
i am so filled with anger and hate.
okay nevermind.
i shall hold a grudge against that bitch forever!

how am i gonna take the exam this way..
sigh.
so problematic huh.
ok time to mugmugmug.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:35 PM

20040421

i seriously should not be here.
argh. im just gonna burst if i don blog.

friday.
ohman i don even rmb!
oh yeah. sports day.
i think pankhurst cheers are just lame.
basically. lame.
but there's this one that's damn encouragin
i think its nice.
-its okay its alright
pankhurst pankhurst fightfightfight
and you repeat that 3 times.
its nice.
well we cheer that when we don get first.
hahaha.
this yr sec1s got lots of 1st.
for pankhurst. yay hah.
btw.
the stadium toilet stinks like shit.
well. it is shit isn't it!!
oh man. so lame!

dad fetched me home.
bathed and went tiong.
ate some laupok jap food at kopitiam.
10 minutes queue time.
and hello there's noone infront of me.
like me only.
tsk.
the udon soup sucks. warnin ya'll.
went popular.
bought star paper.
went macs.
bloated myself there with fries and fries and tea and mccolosso.
i think i got my cousin bloated as well.
went to citilink *yay!
mum let me go.
my dad doesnt kno.
oh wow. thats nice.
yay.

hallmark.
the person gave me that kinda look as if i din have the money.
wei. im here to buy somethin.
you just get it for me yeah.
they suggested to wrap up sugar.
cost 3 bucks more.
hah i was so damnit broke.
had to borrow 2 bucks frm cousin for sugar anyway
so i din wrap it.
yep.
had to pay another 80 cents for some stupid mrt card.
sigh. so i am still owein my cousin 2.80
yeah. went to somerset.
tuition.
i think i just slacked thru it.
cos it was like. extremely boring.
whatever.
went tiong again.
took aunt's car frm there to hospital.
then went to anchorpt for dinner.
bought cute lil roses frm there.
yeah. went home.

folded stars and put the roses into the stars.
wrote the names.
yeah. sec4 farewells.
sigh. did until 12 plus.
i think my mum came to complain.
so i switched off the light.
haha. was tryin to finish eileen's and kai's stars in the dark.
had to use hp light. oh lol.
slept like a pig.

saturday.
forgot my cousin was with me.
so i woke up and then it was like.
-oooff ouch!!
apparently i always get up frm the right side of bed.
so i think i squashed my cousin. lol.
went to sch.
marchin.
i hate flies you know.
and i hate sweat.
ughh.
permission to tie shoelace maam~
lol. cute.

band.
combined.
break.
combined.
end.
11.30.
packed up.
hah my section started cryin durin mvt for rosa.
so saddenin.
cried as well.
cos it'll be the last time listenin to them play.
hah then operation X! lol.
went to miniforum.
got ruth.
hm. at first got eileen.
then change with hweegeok to kai.
then got some internal changes.
so i got my dearest amah.
yep.

cried all the way to the bandrm.
was like so sad.
leavin my amah. sigh.
gave everyone the roses n star.
yay my dearest SLs put them on their hair.
honored.
then the sec 3s did the lil' miss ... thing.
it was so cute.
and saddenin.
lilian talked on the sec4's band life
very interestin.
sigh. so many performances.
i really hope they've had a good endin to their fruitful 4 yrs in band.
btw khan was so anti-climax.
stupid. rub in at the wrong time man.
crazy woman.
hah we locked the doors man.

everyone was cryin like shit after that.
i think lisa cried until so damn xiong.
poorthing.
section stayed back for meetin.
decided to have tapao lunch
ordered macs delivery
din even come after an hr
so we cancelled it
apparently joanne was fuming like. haha.
i roasted in the carpark man.
ran ard with pamela.
haha. waited like shit ok.
like. donno how many nehneh years liao.
then pamela was singin -_-'

my food lies over the house
my food lies over the road
my food lies over the..hump
oh bring back my food to me
bring back
bring back
oh bring back my food to me
to me
bring back
bring back
oh bring back my food to me

its lame
but we were singing like.
ughh.
yeah. got chao ta la.
basically we just stormed off
i was cursing about the service in the phone bg.
lol..

went to mrt.
apparently got quite a lot of disputes and nurul and the rest were lost?
yeah. everyone was angry.
esp joanne. hope shes ok.
yeah so me pt and joanne went to stadium by taxi.
yep. was pissed and tired and broke at the stadium.
pissed cause of the series of events starting frm the macs issue
tired cos of all the movement ard singapore hoho
broke cause of. yeah taxi fare and the macs money.
still haven return ar.

was so thirsty.
got a drink and some chips.
stole lijin's fishballs and drinks.
hahhaa. i am so pro.
lol.
lijin the whole time saying
omg that guy throw the baton so stylo milo!! *squeals
sigh..
well i think tk was quite ok
with all the tk fans in front of us..
and bowen was really good
cause they were the only ones who spinned their tpets.
yeah and everything..
the formations and clarity.
yeah. real good.
marching..heh..
oh. a lil boy dropped his red hat.
apparently another bowen-er kicked it.
hahahaha.
that was so funny.
yeps.
eh lijin all the guys are stylomilo la.
they act cool when they drop the baton. lol.

yeah.
section had section dinner.
only me and sarina not going. sighhh.
waited like donno how many centuries for my dad to pick me up
cried in the car. crapp.
whatever.
i feel damn discriminated.
kay nvm.
had some shit dinner at some nehneh stupid restaurant.
play arcade after that.
slept like a log.
so tired.

sunday.
stayed at home and finished up hw.
ate dinner at some stupid restaurant again.
argh. went to see grandad.
sigh.
i think he's dying.
he's gettin so frustrated.
arghh.

monday.
normal day.
kinda boring.
productive enough.
yeah.

tuesday.
normal as well.
i think i just love cs.
can blog like shit.
ya but qiuyi just HAD to come and ask me to do her template
walao im nice enuff to give her mine ok.
and now she wans me to change
and change
and change
fickle minded! walao!

today.
was ok.
stupid idiot.
wanna ask then ask properly.
don wanna ask properly might as well forget it.
take my things
use use use
make everything so screwed
fold the paper
its my book you know!
its my ruler you know!
doesnt mean when you finish usin it you don return!
doesnt mean when you finish usin it you can just leave it on the freakin table for the crows to come and choke on!
doesnt mean when you finish usin it you can just slam the book on the floor and nv say anythin!
doesnt mean whats mine is yours!
gotta know your limits missy!
whatever.
im wd! wing defence~
yay. netball.
today's art was shitty with those bitches ard.
so went to another grp. yeah.
ate lunch during chinese
hah delia go n tapao chicken rice hoho.
ate sandwich until like so full.
went to bandrm to take tuner
forgot to take that day.
oh yeah must photocopy scores for dear partner nurul.
yeah. must rmb.
math rem. ok.
yay now my locker is more organised.
yay. brought home so many bks. yay.
ok whatever.

im gonna miss her like shit.
crappy.
sigh.
oh its not who-you're-thinking.
someone else.

hah. why cant everyone just admit that i am stupid?
so ke qi.
rmb. i hate ke qi people.
sigh. life is boring without band.
life is boring without her.
sigh. oh nevermind.


to all sec4s.
yeah um.
i don reckon you'll read this but
i really hope you guys can get top 30
like what mrs chua said haha
and jiayou for your Os
yeps.
will miss you guys a lot
come back some time yeah
sigh.
really really miss you guys.
*amah i love you always!

life is like a sine graph =)
9:40 PM

20040415

im just livin in my hse cause i have no where else to stay
no other reason.

i hate my parents
all they care is about whether i study or not
whether i get good grades or not
whether im the first in class or not
all the care about is maths maths maths
cant the just get this fact in their heads
that i am not perfect
that i am trying
but is too stupid to even achieve anything.

now im grounded.
so wonderful right.
i just got grounded for tomorrow.
because my best cousin is comin out frm msia.
stupid.
sometimes i wonder why i've got this best cousin thing
i rather there wasnt any best or worst
cause now i hate her for coming to singapore
and getting me grounded on the day i need to buy important things.
i hate my whole family.
this is so stupid.

i overheard my mum sayin this thing on the phone
and then she asked me this question
when i already knew the answer
and guess what.
the prize for gettin it correct is 10 bucks.
yay. ok now i am only short of another 10 bucks for the thing.
i wonder how i am supposed to get that.
wait a minute.
sam. don think about goin out tmr.
sam you are grounded.
isn't your life so screwed?
yeah right.
ohhh shiat.
i just remembered something about smurfs.
tsk.
i am so broke.
so screwed.
so pissed.

today is totally idiotic.
whatever.
geog pe was unexpected.
apparently mswong being the sweet mswong she is
let us play netball?
yep.
i look totally gong with other shorts on.
totally.
you could see people with blouses and skirts playin.
wonder what goon would say if she saw.

leemin hyperventilated again.
im gettin sick and tired of this okay.
its like my fault
my fault
my fault
again
and again.

i don wan her to hyperventilate
but i cant stop her
is it my fault.
yes and no.
argh the ball.

sam. get a grip.
you cant let her see you through.

never ever ever cry in front of gohweesuan because shes totally rubbish and is rubbin salt to your wound.

math retest today.
don wanna talk about it.
i am just plain stupid
i hope mdm yap is smart enough to know that.

rnb is stupid.
wasted so much bloddy time.
ate bandtime sumore.
tsk.
rnb is bloddy stupid.
i think zaizai is cute but
still bloody stupid.

lol. wonder if anyone was listenin to 88.3 at 3pm.
hahahhaha. i am shocked if anyone did.

band.
watched tk marching.
standard was damn high.
ah well.

nurul i hope you will go to the first part
cos if i go there im just gonna sound like shit
and im not of any use
i'll pray for you`

lalala. i wan sat to come and not come at the same time.
whoo. blodd sista lol.

took a damn long time to come home
wonder why
band ended at 5.15 right?!
and i reached home at like 7.30.
did i miss some stupid bus or something.
whatever.

seems like my life is damn controlled.
damn mother is askin me to study
i don give a damn ok.
i don wanna study
is there a problem
yes there is
cause if i don
then my results would just drop like birdshit
and my parents would just nagnagnag
and in the end i won even make it to combined science
and my parents would just nagnagnag
and i'll get kicked outta crescent
and my parents would just nagnagnag
and i'll miss my clarinet and my section and the band and everyone else so badly that i'll die.
no i won die.
i'll do stuff like jump down frm a block or cut my wrist.
no thats dying in a way.
nono. i'll just lock myself up.
nah thats stupid
i'll just go join some gypsy tribe or somethin
and no one will miss me
and everyone else would be happy
and i'll just miss the band like shit.
i wonder if the band would miss me.
no they won cos im just a calafare.
yes i am a calafare. so nice.
not needed
not wanted
not even useful.

wow. if i don study in the end i'll be gone and i'll miss the band like shit.
nice analysis.
whatever.
i am pissed.
why am i dammit grounded practically everyday.
oh everything happens for a reason right
so im wonderin why my parents can do anythin they want
and i cant even go town and buy somethin for my loved ones.
not even birthday presents.
no. i need that smurf.
and i need that thing.
im goin out tmr.

im crappin doncha think.

sorry amah.
betrayal isnt easy to forget
im still gonna hate her.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:38 PM

20040414

haha.
im surprised that the motivation is still in me. hope its long-term. yess.
':\ lame.

today is.
no comment.
aw man you people.
GETWELLSOON.
man. today kena 3 causualties.
so many huhh.

amanda lim
amanda feng
claire amanda lopez
whatever.
claire isnt actually an amanda.
but tsk.
make it tally lah.
sighh.
our class is so damn weak.
i wonder what would happen if everyone started to hyperventilate like everyone else did at the same time.
horrible.
all the teachers in the school would be like so occupied.
today..
ms tan sh
ms wong ej
mdm yap
ms sharon goh
ms goh ailin
mrs yip.
haha i think mrs yip rocks.
whateverr.

amanda feng was just.
hmm. hallucinatin?
nahh. giddy.
amanda lim.
hyperventilatin.
like yesterday.
somethin abt cant openin eyes.
claire. new case.
hyperventilatin.
cause she's afraid of..
what?
hm. beats me.
her finger injury i think.
poorthin.
hyperventilate until her limbs all numb.
mrs yip rocks cause
she is so red-cross-pro.
hahaha.
better than siok qi!
ohmy.
still rmb last time she put this piece of alchohol tissue thingy
on my injury.
mind you it was bleedin like no shit.
pain like crazy.
tskkk.
haha.
well.
getwellsoon peeps.
sighh.

apparently there's no pe tmr.
ms tan forbid it.
tsk. i wan capt ball.
sigh. so there's geog.
and i need to bring my geog book see lah!!
o_0

math rem was productive yey.
whatever.
must go n eat now.
later mugmugmugg.
yay.
im mad.

band tmr! (:

life is like a sine graph =)
7:59 PM

20040413


What Name Should You Have? by Lauren



interesting.
took frm sandsand's blog.
haha.

im livin in a house which gives me pain.
ughhh.
i. hate. my. parents.
i think i was an accidental birth.
yeah right.
they din expect me to be fertilised.
tskk. whatever.

monday was quickk.
everythin ended quickly.
even pbl.
leemin had a talk with mswong.
me n qiuyi pei her.
for like. 1.5 hrs.
haha.

today was ok.
quite slow actually.
amanda lim kena hospilatised.
amanda feng kena sent home.
sighh
our class is like so weak lol.
amanda lim came back to sch.
doc said shes ok i think.
gee.
was so scary can.
so many paramedics surroundin our class
man. creepy.
and the stretcher.
covered with white sheets.
like funeral. choi.
hai. hope they all getwellsoon.

i wonder why they can get mc so easily.
haha. i fall down also cant get.
lol. im sadistic..

had geog makeup.
apparently kinda unproductive for everyone.
hahaha. im surprised i din sleep.
well. im always surprised.
cos i don ever sleep.
haha. and everyone around is snorin like nothin.
lol. brain cramp huh people.
haha. esh and her tricks.

im motivated like hell.
ok thats good.
but i know it won last long.
arrghhhh.
better go and mug now.
mug mug mug.
crazy.

everyday is a brand new day.
so i have to be positive.
man. i sound totally.
attitude-problemish.
whateverr.
optimisticalism is better than pessimisticalism.
hm. got such words meh?
haha.

like my new bg music? (:
motivation mann.

life is like a sine graph =)
8:12 PM

20040411

oh yeah.
forgot.

HAPPY B'DAY ASHIKIN! (:
hey girl!! you blurr gong. hahaa. love ya lots muax! (:

eh i wan her bear.
oh.
talkin about her bear.
i think it was the bear's fur.
yeah.
caused my mornin sinus.
durin band, that is.
ehhh don wan the bear liao.
-_-'

life is like a sine graph =)
10:34 PM

what can i do.
im just holdin on for the sake of holdin on.
no other reason already.

3 flies on my legs durin marchin.
sweated unbearably.
surprisingly.
saw squirrel.
that one which was on the netball court fence last time.

band.
my nose killed me.
haha durin princesses.
when the solis were playin
you could hear me
-snifffffffff-
'ugh..'
-cursing-
whatever.
kena firstpart audition.
crappy.
i screwed it.
better prac on those high notes.
i mean high.

was recordin concerto
sec4 snrs were playin prev songs
haha my phone sucks.
cant record properly. lol.
whatever.
everythin blur like donno what.

went tiong mrt.
was late sorry guys.
took 195 to great world.
ate macs.
failed tryin to do hw.
-- din come.
nehmind.

took shuttlebus to orchard.
mrt to citilink.
ok apparently kalms=hallmark.
im kinda stupid right.
whatever.
im gonna ransack that shop
opp happyhse.
i wan that drapey thing.
whateverr.

class.
whatever. redundant.
home.
was bathin
then i realised that i was a dum dork.

haha. kind soul1 told kind soul2.
and kind soul2 went to get it for me.
lalala. heroine always.
it was at great world.
how dumb can i get.

was like cryin.
cos my dad din wanna let me go there
by his car or myself
and got me grounded as well.
i just wanna say both my parents are total suckasses.
don understand then forget it.
crazy.
wanna understand then in the end misunderstand.
shitty.

oh and.
im grounded from band.
and whatever after sch activities.
which means i get to miss pbl.
no i don actually wanna miss maths rem.
whatever.
im still goin.
whatever consequences
i'll just bear them.

i am damn grateful.
thanku2somuch.
haha. din kno had such kind souls ard me.
thanks ar. yay. (:
wonder what would happen if she knos.
ahhh she will kno anyway.
same class what. silly me.
thanks ar.

today. unproductive.
hw not done.
thanks to relatives.
always come durin wkend
don even haf time to do anythin.
whatever.

visited grandad.
i don like icu nurses.
totally inefficient.
whateverrr.

tooth fell out in car.
and viola.
its broken.
so the other half is still stuck in my gum.
and its damn irritatin.
i cant actually eat anythin.

went harbourfront.
ate lunch.
long long lunch. tsk.
home.
tryin to do hw up till now.
unproductive.
hate everythin.
ughh.
whatever.

believe that tomorrow will be a better day.
thats the only thin that keeps me alive.

is there a problem with you?
your hormones eh.
in love with her.
i don care about you.
but thats really nice of you
to do that.
pah. worked out?
are you sayin like
you and her actually patohin.
hahaha.
hilarious.
ive left you alr missy.
think your sex appeal damn good isit.
sissy. sassy. same thin.
act cute la.
see who will actually care abt you in the end.
let me see you rot before my very own eyes.
HAH.
so what if im wrong.
im wrong ure right.
happy now huh.
hah. i don mind.
cos in my eyes
you are
a TRAITOR.
bitch.
hoho.

life is like a sine graph =)
6:37 PM

20040410

100 years - Five for Fighting

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live



this song is extremely motivating.
will work hard. (:

life is like a sine graph =)
12:04 AM

20040409

im gonna help qiuyi with her debate
'parents don care for their children'
yepyep
i'll do the proposition part
cos im a livin example

i hate my parents
opposin chistianity
im banned for sunday church
and i cant even attend good friday service

i don tink i can stand them any longer
i cant go just cos its my dad's bday
nice excuse huh.
i hate them. they hate me.
its a complete cycle.

yesterday was a tirin day.
leemin hyperventilated again
sighh
i will reinforce her with a pmc asap la.

i feel betrayed,
used.
i don have any comments on that
cause im already gettin used to it
and i'll get used to it until im immune.

you don allow me to help;
isn't that also not allowin to be with my friend?
not allowin me to be together with my friend,
to stick together thru thick and thin,
to be friends; forever?
is that counted as a compulsory constraint?

i donno what to say,
i donno what to do.
i wanna help.
and you all just push me away.

everythin happens for a reason.
everythin has a cost
now tell my why this happens
and tell me why i had to have this shit

gohweesuan is extra.
so is everyone else.

donated some stuffed toys to the class
the rest to the children of nepal
bein a kind soul eh..

played against 1s1 yest.
wed was 1c2.
whatever. sandsand is good.
1c2 - friendly match
1s1 - bitchy..
that girl doesnt even know the rules of the game.
hah i punched her ball. lol.

almost late for chi class.
the rest of the day was just plain slack.
band.
klarinette tuner kena disappearin spell
donno go where alr.
haha lucky i had my tuner with me (:
so everyone can shareshare.
yayy. ugh.

i think she hates me
well of course la.
duhh comon.

sectionals the whole time.
long time nv sectionals for the whole band prac le.
haha. (:
memories of bein a rebellious sec1
hahahaha.
debra checkin on us.
lol i still rmb (: haha.
its still so funny up till now.
hahah.
whatever.

i think today is kinda productive.
picked up amanda lim and xiangmei @ bv mrt.
took me so long to find them.
lol they were at somewhere else.
ok whatever.
chaitali last min couldnt come
issit fate or somethin.
always cant come lol.

slacked.
tv. food. bleh.
xm doin all the work.
sorry ar. just no mood.
lunch. tapao.
slacked again.
watched beauty n é beast.
suddenly damn touchin
i donno
its so innocent ah well.
whateverr.

did the shoebox model. yay.
sent them to the bus stop.
came back and bathed.
mum shoutin at me now
earphones blastin
hahh im laughin frm the idiocy of my mum screamin at me while im enjoyin myself bloggin.
whao fcuk her man.

how do you expect me to treat you
with the equality of a friend
when you treat me
as if i don even exist.

ever since that day
i knew we werent meant to be tgt again.

life is like a sine graph =)
7:34 PM

20040407

those two siao zhar bos are botherin me abt the band songs.
argh!
you two sweet and siao girls.
donno what to say.

yay.
today is so productive.
and not at the same time.

failed my chinese
failed my maths
and i am so pro right?
muheheheh.
fcukin shit lah this thing.

you pissed me off again.
im not gonna bitch about it.
tolerance..

okay.
mswong rocks.
went to look for her durin recess
she was late so i took out the cat
leemin said she entered by the other door.
so i started to snip the serial number stuff off.
in the end she appeared behind us
and said 'need help?'
and qiuyi n i were like eep!
so ironic.
her present and shes askin if we need help..
ok. gave her the cat n card n bottle.
leemin was still tokin to mr m.
called her ard.
and mswong is totally so nice.
named the cat 'quest' to rmb us.
she thinks its flat and fat.
i think its fat and big.
not flat.
she insists its flat.
lame..
in the end we talked thru recess.
kinda late for art.
lol.

qiuyi and me were scratchin the glass door
haha. linda goon starin at me..
[rmb the incidents where i met her with demerit-prone attire.]
haha! mswong was huggin quest!
lol i think she likes it a lot.
i hope she does! (:
she had this funny surprised look on her face
prolly cos me and qiuyi were scratchin the door.
lol. hahah.
spent like 15 minutes tryin to squeeze the stupid macs voucher onto each other
haha. we were returnin it right!
not ours! hers! she lent it right!!
lol. and she wouldn't take it.
i was like. stuff it into her mouth leemin.
cause her mouth was like so big. frm laughin.
and she was askin whether i'd like her to stuff it in my mouth.
oh lol.
in the end qiuyi had this -haha- convincin plead
'mswong we haven eat recess and lunch gonna be maths rem liaos..'
'very hungryyyy..'
hah. she took it.
finally!! off our hands.
lol..
time waster!!
>:D

i think mswong is lame.
but she still rocks all the same.
hehh. (:
yayy. hope she likes the dear quest!
whee~
shall try to abuse it next time
like ms tan to yusheng's monkey
lol. hahahahaaa.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:18 PM

20040406

i am inspired by concerto d'amore.
so now i will get down to work.

some things have to end
and some times
nothing can be done to help

thanks qiuyi
for talkin to me yesterday
was too frustrated to say thanks
thanks ar.
sigh.

need cousellin again.

life is like a sine graph =)
7:39 PM

HAPPY B'DAY SUZANNA! (:
hah. happy bday (: tho i donno u much. but i guess its the band thing that makes us get along well (:

by the way.
saw ms soon at imm that day.
rmb ms soon who used to be our english teacher.
lol.. look at this change of teachers.
goh ws - ms soon - shirlene koh - goh ws.
in the end
we are still given the suckiest teacher.
who flirts with josef tan.
tskk. damn childish.
whatever.

today was happy.
lol i sound so stone.
mass run was okay.
my inner voice finally talked to me.
science was. i donno.
was replyin shiany's letter.
hoho.
chinese was. happy.
hah started to get happy.
becos i thot of goin eat steamboat ma.
and qiuyi said can. yay.
hah. now i call it pt steamboat.
lol (:

mswong din come today again.
get well soon!!
geog totally rocked.
apparently nurul wore some pe tee
borrowed frm g1's cupboard
which was there for donno how many yrs.
then she had to BATHE in sch.
man.
and everythin got wet.
shirt and everythin.
includin her undergarments.
oh lol.
jiaen and iswarya was tryin to blow-dry her bra
with the hand dryer
that was so funny.
had to give her the handsoap
by handful.
and she screamed when she was bathin.
wonderin what the c1 ppl were thinkin. lol.
and she kept on stickin her head outta the door
and naked sumore.
i am amazed. nurul you are outta your mind.
threw cups of water on her when she was dry
lol. naughty me.
and she was finally out after like 20 minutes.
lol. and we kept her shoe.
so she cuden really find it at first.
lol. nurul.
feel refreshed??
>:P
hilarious.
recess.
did i say yesterday before i went home i bought the card again?
and me and qiuyi were totally stripped of money?
so we borrowed from the totally generous fruits uncle.
10 bucks sumore.
today we returned the money.
his wife din believe it. lol.
thanks eh (:
still haven buy the straws. lol.

english was borin.
cs was. yeah ok.
fixed qiuyi's blog!
yay. now we're twins.
hoho! (:
went for assembly.
screwed my neck readin my storybk.
mr m was behind la.
some crap. so hard.
heymath or somethin.
donno. but i find my bk more interestin.
lol.

went tiong.
ate pt steamboat. yay!
was smsin away.
haha. qiuyi got frustrated cos she only sms me.
lol. but she got sms u la.
gongx.
went popular.
bought stars! (:
okay. whatever.
went macs.
bought mc colosso.
chocolate.
prolly will hafta visit the toilet lateron.
sigh. =/ so weak my stomach.

came home.
will do sci rev later.

i am impressed with cheryl's praises.
walao. tis stupid.

--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
OH MAN.
--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
--- fucks the world.
cHeRyL says:
y?
--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
she is a downright fuckass.
--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
she think she's the leader and everythin else. overpowerin bitch.
cHeRyL says:
do u speak eng or chinese at home?
--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
why? my vulgarities very chim isit. oh lol.
--cgssb*// drumline`]] barneyisadinasaurinourimagination(: says:
chinese la.
cHeRyL says:
haha
cHeRyL says:
not bad
cHeRyL says:
u look as if ur eng very good
cHeRyL says:
great swearing
cHeRyL says:
like the american style
cHeRyL says:
haha

lol. i am flattered. XD

i donno what to say.
but if u wanna continue this pointless friendship
without even puttin in any effort
its up to you.
i'll always be there right.
always.
to be an alternative for you.

*bitter.

how do you expect me to be normal
when the memories are still fresh in my mind
and the pain still exists?

everything:-
the bitterness of reality
the harshness of the past
the dreading of the future
the pain you all have inflicted on me

the wounds in my heart
overflows with blood
but the blood clots
and scabs form
and when the scabs drop
the wound is erased from memory
but the wound you have caused
was too deep
and the blood will never stop flowing
never
until one day
no blood is left
no blood is shed
and the feeling dies
and i wouldn't feel a thing for you
i am waiting for that day.

'the scars
will be carried down
for centuries.' *chorus.

i have a freakin attitude problem doncha think.
well no i don't.
noone can ever understand how i feel inside.
ever.
im lost in my own world*

life is like a sine graph =)
7:19 PM

20040405

--barney is a dinosaur in our imagination
and when he's tall its what we call a dinosaur sensation
barney comes to play with us whenever we may need him
after school they meet and play and sing with happy faces

barney is a dinosaur in our imagination
and when he's tall its what we call a dinosaur sensation
barney's friends are big and small they come from many places
after school they meet and play and sing with happy faces`]]

adapted frm wanky. (:

moodswingin again.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:15 PM

lord of the rings;
concerto d'amore.
always calm me down
lets me refind my feelins
my thoughts
and my soul.

okay. shall say the happy stuff first. (:
went to visit granddad.
hahh his heart rate is stable now. (:
yay. jiayou.
went IMM.
lunched at some crap chinese restaurant.
went some small music shop.
bought damn cheap reeds.
cheaper by like. 25 cents per reed?
hah i am wayy too calculative..

bought a tuner-cum-metronome.
yayy finally. (:
quite cheap too.
lol. yay.

went daiso.
bought like 48 bucks worth of stuff.
each item costs 2 bucks. everythin.
so i bought 24 items?
nah not really.
my mum bought stuff too.
so i bought ard 15 items la.
yeps. a lot!
haha. i feel good after a big shoppin spree.
yay.

bought apple strudel.
ate it after dinner.
warm. yuk.
oh dinner sucked.
because one of my uncles was teasin me
freako la he.
mad idiot.
that explains the cunninness in my cousin.
oh man that whole family sucks.

went to visit granddad again.
apparently his respiration is better.
yays. hope he becomes healthier.

monday`
aunt fetched me to sch.
sincere thanks.
the whole day started to rot
and turn sour
at the very time
when my grandaunt
was bein cremated.
why does everythin in my life
tally with bad things happenin ard.

they started to piss me off
at the very moment
at 8.30am.
and my grandaunt was bein cremated.
how much more pain do you want
to inflict on me
before you can just whisk away
happily

too bad
i shall tell you
that i practically
80% immune
to all the pain
so i'd like to say
shut the fcuk up
and go away.

money problems
financial difficulties
i can solve
i am capable
not that stupidd yet

now i shall tell everyone
that i hate you
and you all dont even matter in my life
so i have nothin to do with you
and you have nothin to do with me
begone.

i know you
i know you too well
for you to lie to me


i din let you 'voice your opinions'
but i did say i was gonna buy the prez
and you didnt oppose
and so?
my fault.
oh whao i am so smart.
yeah man.
so i give you back the money
and i'll just say its from all of us.
you happy,
me happy,
everyone ok.
but NO
you wouldnt have it this way
so fine
be it your way
your freakin money
i didn't take it
you all saw me
give it to the class fund
and the rest to the guides.
happy now?
your money isnt gonna be mine
are you happy?
i betcha are.

you don want to pay
your heart aint there at all
aint sincere
aint nothin
not bein sincere when givin a prez
what bloody shit is that?
coucillor somore.
freaking suckass.

you're just fakin it
you're tryin to be polite
NO
i hate it
hate you when you pretend
hate you when you pretend to be polite
you're just sayin
you're willin
and sincere
NOW
because i cried
because i yelled at you
because i did what i did
and because you're tryin to please me
and ya kno what?
i hate this kinda attitude you've got there missy.

you just lurve it doncha
you just lurve to say everythin's my fault
oh yea if you see this
you'd say no and its not my fault
and start arguein that its yours
oh nonono madam
i can see right through you
i know what you're thinkin
im just a bit smarter than before
i got smarter after you gave me the pain.

i don care about you
now you're happy that you've got your name down
now you're happy that im gonna say your name
so be it
i dont mind makin a bitch happy
it just means less trouble.

looks
stares
irritation
all these
have no more effect on me
im immune to your pathetic tricks
to kill me of my pride and dignity
let me tell ya
bitches dont always win this game.

the money's gone
the present's goin
nothin else
no more
no less
and one day
you will pay
for givin me this pain
though small
but yet
i am vengeful
so beware
and you can then
take back your filthy money
and your filthy attitude
you bitch.
-
i am so great.
im the one at fault again.
guiness records man.
its my fault
that i cried a few million times today
that i yelled at you in class
that i yelled at you in canteen
that i made you cry
that i threw the money on the table
that i walked away
that i made a din in the canteen
that i overshot the fcukin budget
that i am me.
right?
yeah right man.

im glad to say that
i will remain this way
and nothin else matters
because
i have already lost your trust
and i have already lost trust in you.
it aint my fault this time
you three just proved
to be the bitchiest people
i've ever met in my life.
i cant ever believe
i trusted you all
especially her.
i feel that ive totally lost her
and she has lost me too
but i just cant stand it
she thinks shes sexy
she acts cute
and she acts sassy
don like people like that
she thinks shes hot
and shes got huge sex appeal
whatever
i don care
it doesnt matter
cause shes got two other bitches to be with
thanks anyway
for bein there
for that three great terms of my life.
no way
can i ever
regain
her trust
or
she
regain
mine.

or will there be a way?

im just listin out the bloody shit that happened today
and my bloody feelins
so that this is fair that everyone voices their opinion
fine?

why did i even join crezawards in the first place.
awh man.
gettin kinda stupid these days.
better reconsider next time.

kay im mad.
im laughin like siao one moment.
the next i start cryin and collapse.
then i get hyper and jump around.
then i crash into my sofa and start snoring.
madness.
my voice broke when i was hummin concerto d'amore
i think i'll get nightmares today.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:14 PM

20040404

yesterday was kinda productive.
well i hope so.

band in the mornin
got a new piece
yay that was the piece which i was hopin for mrs chua to buy
for wonderful friendship (:
sighh. memories.

was waitin for cynthia
with pt, xt and ivy.
apparently
perc section was havin an emotional talk
ah well
best wishes.

haha.
everyone is laughin about my sockline.
funny.
-_-
i think it was nicole who started it all
nicole i'll strangle you!
so everyone was starin at my legs
ugh.
brynn showed us her infection.
lol get well soon.
oh oh hahh!
nicole was carryin her sis around to wash her legs?
and it was like
haha
da jie and meimei
so cute. lol.

deborah asked.
what's the diff betwn electone and piano?
i said.
electone got electric.
piano don have.
and i got konk on the head for that.
HAH.
i think my answer is hilarious.
shall use that for those questions next time.

when cynthia was havin the section meetin
peiting was waitin for her
when cynthia finished
peitin was havin a talk
so it was me and ivy who waited the most.
lol. xt went home in frustration. lol!

perc secthrees + pt + grace + ivy went ps.
sighhh i hate my music class for that.
i wanna go there to buy reeds.
and yixin's prez. right? (:

music class was boring
but productive
i actually stayed awake for two whole hours.
sigh. bu ke.
stupid copacabena.
whatever.

cut my hair.
went qbhse. totally full.
went some other hairdressers
speed. crappy la.
cut & layer.
shit my hair is goin thinner liaos.
and my fringe is fallin like.
crazy. whatever.
ok la.
got a freebie.
some green tea shampoo?!
whatever.

went hme.
bathed.
ate dinner.
went alexandera hospital.
see my granddad.
in critical condition.
sigh don tell me
one death after another.
he's in ICU now
lookin very pale
kinda scary.
tubes all ard him
sigh
pray he get well soon.
jiayou.

kay gtg.
lunch.

life is like a sine graph =)
11:45 AM

20040402

HAPPY B'DAY YUSHENG! (:
happy bday dear classchair~ we love u always you monkey!!

today was normal-ok.
i think i am gettin sleepier by the day.
whatever.

recess was mad.
there were literature-y people everywhere.
lol you guys.
actin out antigone.
so siao.
creon says.
by god shut up i tell you!
lol.
ok i know everyone in c2 is gonna go to triple science
cept me.
im such a failure.
okkk mood swingin.
don tink abt it sam.
it sucks.
and life has to suck.
or else i'd be floatin.
life without gravitational forces.
sounds kinda fun.
whatever.

i donno what happened.
sigh.
mind's in a whirl.
started to sit on the swingg
which like totally rocks.
played ard with anna on the swings.
then when anna left
i donno
everythin
the reality
just came into my head
and i spent the next few minutes
sittin on the swing
pushin myself higher and higher
thinkin about what i've done
what that has happened
what will happen
and why.
sighh.
i donno anythin.
no one to be with me anymore.
no one.
ok whatever.
my butt hurts.

chinese was kinda productive
actually took note of what ms tan was sayin hope i really improve.
this is the last strand of hope i have left.
oh oh.
laurel was sick. =(
she was so sleepy.
stomach pains i think.
got sent home.
ohdear ohdear.
so many casualties
well in a way.
sigh i don't like chain events.

ok we looked at cute lil bugs durin science.
accordin to neo.
micro-organiSIEM
she pronounces it this way.
organisiem.
that is so stupid.
whatever.

went orchard with lynny, leemin and qiuyi!
totally drenched ok!
shucks.
went to look for mswong before that.
leemin was lookin so pale i tell you!
lol. in the end somehow
mswong gave us some macdonalds voucher
bigmac for a buck.
sighhh lendin us 'money' again!
o_0
why did we say we were broke hur..
next time musnt tell her ok!
yaps.
it started rainin on the slope
and at the end it was pourin like crazy.
the three of them were sharin one umbrella
then i was like.
yay i love rain.
and stood in the heavy rain for like 5 minutes.
totally drenched i tell you.
somethin like bathin.
man it rocks.
but was soaked to the bone.
cold like nothin. bleh.

went to taka.
found the thing. (:
so cute right.
yayy.
nettles and qiuyi ate takopachi.
im eating that next time. (:
leemin din wanna eat
so we forced her to eat bk at cine.
took neos at cine.
yayy lynny your shoe rocks.
ahhahahha.

went mos before tuition.
tuition was borin again.
donno why la. again. sigh.
went coldstorage.
realised got sell cards.
lol.
hahh i just love the card.
im lovin it.
whee.

came home thru taxi
sth bad happened i think
my grandaunt died.
sigh
i donno how to deal with deaths
im not exactly close to her
don even tok to her
but this whole thing is pissin my mum off
which makes her hostile to me again
sighh
donno what to do.

think.
whatifyourfrienddied.
justyesterdayyoutalkedtoher.
andtodayshesgone.
idonnowhatsgoinon
butitsscarywhenyouthinkofit
whatifyourbestfrienddied?
whatwouldyoudo
youreleftwithnoonetobewithalready
whatwouldyouthink
whatwouldhappen?
iminastateofnothinness
ahwell
mybestfriendhasalreadydiedinmyworld.

okk. must be happy.
tmr must be happy.
must try. yep.

i just love this.
--sometimes
i just sit
and smile
and
feel happy
there are
people
like you
in the world.
*thankyou.]]
taken from the card.
it rocks lorh! XD

yay.
ok im in a good mood again.
sigh moodswings..

life is like a sine graph =)
9:40 PM

20040401

hellos.
today rocked.
i am seriously injury-prone.
hahahah.

morning was boring as usual.
massrun was so shi bai.
i think i've lost my stamina.
whatever. better go gym in june.

kay science was borin.
ah well as usual.
was doin math revision.
lol neo is kinda blind la.

pe rocked!
hah pe will always rock with mswong ard.
played capt ball again.
supposed to go for health check.
2c1 took quite some time la.
so we just went for pe!
lol this time i fen gong he zuo with anna.
whoever throw to me i throw to anna.
whee. we can beat kejia!
lol high balls rock man.
anna we rock!

game was competitive.
lynny's side won la.
yepx.
i fell down 4 times.
i am smart right.
twice is actually rolling.
so odd.
another time i caught the ball
and then to prevent it frm goin out of court
i just kneeled down and stopped it
hah scratches..
then another time
me, gen li and yining were runnin for the ball
like this
[gen][me][yining]
then it was so funny.
we all fell down
and the ball went out.
lame.
gen fell first
then my leg on top of hers,
and yining's on top on mine.
somethin like chain event.
lol its stupid.
but funny. haha.

qiuyi bein stupid again.
she caught the ball -merely-
and in the end she flung it out of court.
stupid right!
iswarya just passed to her
and she flung it out like.
bleh can't you catch properly!!
lol i've killed her already la.
and she has risen from the dead ooh.
lame..

first few ppl had to go for heath check
and the rest just continued to play
and played into our english periods.
im tellin you pe rocks.

was tryin to study chinese
nothin got into my brain in the end
so i flunked the test sigh.
joyene inspired me to become a fool-ist today.
she fooled me into checkin my shoelaces.
sighh toopid me.
today is apr fools day rmb?

cheryl fooled me too.
she was like.
eh next wk im migratin to msia.
then i was like. wth!!
eh you don lidat leh!
later no one sit behind me le o_0
and then yeah
the maluation. -_-
whatever.
decided to use the hair and msia fools.
whee. so fun okay.
fooled like 10 over people.
i am so smart yeah.

math test was okayy!
yayy at least i find it okay.
goodd i must improve maths more.

went ikea before band.
with the captball gongg and leemin.
brynn see this!
lol i am capable of goin there and not bein late.
hahh.
took a cab there.
okay its 3 bucks.
ate the hotdog for lunch. yum (:
went to look for leemin's disposable plates.
couldn't find.
bought bottles again.
yeps!
went to anchorpoint coldstorage.
bought leemin's stuff
and our special girl's b'day pressie.
hoho. you know who you are.

yeps. then took a cab back again.
okay 3 bucks againn.
went for band.
my tian today band was like.
so emotional.
seriously.
when brynn came we decided to play apr fool trick on her
told her we wanted to quit band
sighh our smiles gave us away lah.

then sectionals.
oh man.
the sls got so serious
started lecturin and everythin
cause when they leave the band will fall
and all that
so there was a trial reshuffle
nurul and i were stagnant. hah.
so it was like..
third - pamela ml wl.
second - me nurul gen xt.
first - sarina ivy ashikin.
pam and pt not here.
yeah and we played larga.
everythin was messed up.
punishment - 5 rounds.
ran 1 round.
the seniors stopped us.
"happy apr fools day!"
everyone started laughin and cryin and the same time.
ivy and ash cry until v xiong.
omg lor.
all the seniors crowdin ard
sayin sorry and blahh
compensation.
hahh grace!
run for ivy. lol!
okay.
then had a section circle with the sec ones.
a bit of talk,
then sec ones went for comb.
haha.
section talk..
sigh.
the atmosphere was so..
sad.
donno.
and liesel start talking,
because she won't be here on sat.
and everyone started to tear.
hearin her talk abt whatever we went thru,
the section chalet,
the concert,
and everything they did before we came in.
and liesel cried!
oh lol.
first time in 4 years i heard!
and after that she realised
today isn't the last day yet..
so her tears were wasted. oh lol.
but anyway
those two started cryin again
the sec twos all were.
ah well.
i guess im gonna miss liesel.
and everyone else, duh!
saddennin.

had 10 mins break.
started to think abt all the seniors leavin
and happened to sit beside mad.
then i started to cry too
because there wont be anyone left
when mad goes
for me to have fun with
sigh.
no more mad madness.
no more mad laughter.
no more mad tutoring.
no more mad.
yeah and then hahaha.
regina felt guilty ohhoho.
yep.
sad.

combined.
jaune.
end.
packup.
end band.
icecream!
went home.

tired
and sad.
17 apr is just a stone's throw away..

--lordofthedance`concertodamore]]

life is like a sine graph =)
9:43 PM