:D

sat
went for band early for the tailoring thing. started practicing early.
sectionals was kinda productive. benpooi came. felt a little disappointed in my playing.
oh ya, new guy in the section! aaron from acsi haha.
i think we were the last section to go to acsi. brought our stuff over in about 20 mins or so.
lunched at their aircon canteen with the section. haha, chicken rice again.
shared an extra bowl of noodles with melvin. haha in record time man, so funny.
went to audit for combined, i think festive colonial tosca. haha, i think paul's comment was super funny :D
paul: benjamin, you're my blub blub (cutesy voice)
ben: urrh -shudder- you're not qualified to be my blub blub..
haha, anti-climax.. retarded la.
acsi and acsIB band came in, GEN OMG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH :D
practiced phantom till 5 or so, not exactly productive but i guess we're almost on track..
packed up, went back to acjc. left for hollandv to dinner with the j1s&bize&meiling&huiru.
trained to dhoby ghaut to walk around with nicole :) hee, bought some stuff from daiso
then trained to harbourfront to meet parents.

sun
happy day :D
met ben at dhoby ghaut, trained to city hall to meet kristen&bize :)
oh btw i'm positive that ben is blind.. he walked from behind me to in front of me and didn't notice my existence.
haha, another opportunity to whack him using my file. nyaha, myopic man.. hee.
got bored and decided to buy starbucks frappe. stupid lousy service grrr.
went soup spoon to discover it was closed (due to some ridiculous murder. i'm serious.)
decided to go asian kitchen at citilink but decided to eat at its neighbouring ninja restaurant cause it was queueless.
haha, saw a mingxuan lookalike lol. pillowfight! hahaha.
food wasn't bad although it looked kinda small in terms of portions. not bad quality la.
haha, i think we laughed about a lot of things over lunch :D
went to 7eleven aft that then bize had to leave for rehearsals.
decided to go pacific coffee but it was full, so went to esplanade library yay :D
changed seats a few times haha. went to find sheherazade cds then photocopied the duets book.
bought some crap chocolate thing thats like super milky milo imitation.
searched for more scores with ben. guess there was this emo atmosphere.. haha.
oh well, i feel bad.
photocopied more stuff, borrowed more stuff, then we all went to rooftop :D:D:D yay!
ben lent me his instrument to play! :D i think selmer is nice! :D:D:D
oh and there was this incident whereby there were suddenly lots of ants, even in my file
and we spotted this whole group of ants dragging my braces rubberbands away OMG HAHAHA
cause i just ate a sweet before that so i guess it must be kinda sweet for them.
i took them out cause playing the clarinet sucks with them on.
my rubberbands disappeared into the grass after that, haha. damn amusing.
yup, we sat there till dark and bize came. whee, fun fun :)
went marina for dinner at MOF, haha, cool jap desserts man.
soba wasn't so good but the icekachang thingy was nice.
oh haha we played dooby dooby doob doob before dinner and on the train!
omg it was so fun la, highly amusing esp my retarded spasmic fingers.
kristen's dad fetched us home, thanks :) super fun day out.

some interesting light thingy at esplanade :)

mon
another happy day :D
slept like 3plus the previous night so ben had to wake me up again and again until i missed my bus HAHAHA
haha i have like 6 msgs that go 'blub blub morning call wake up wake up over over blub blub!'
something along that line la, haha i got such a shock when i realised i missed my bus haha
washed up and got out of the house to realise that i missed the NEXT bus by 2 mins, omg so pissed.
in the end got damn fed up and cabbed to bv mrt to meet ben
trained to city hall, decided to try soup spoon again but it was still closed
so we ate at the asian kitchen teahouse which SUCKS omg, go to asian kitchen instead.
we were so disappointed there was no xiaolongbao or lamian D:
wanted to leave but kinda rude so we decided to make do with fried rice and moonlight horfun (zzz.)
felt super full cause the horfun was super oily grr ): we got our starbucks frappes then walked thru citilink.
bumped into mel & isabel on the way haha we were just going to visit them.
dropped by at pacific coffee company to visit kristen & mel isabel who came back frm their toilet trip.
went esplanade rooftop aft that to practice! yay yay i played ben's selmer again :D
omg i tell you the weather was SO HOT it was bad for our instruments but after a while it got cloudier phew.
we didn't bring stand so we used my clarinet case&his clarinet case&my bag&his bag to form a stand zzz
quite sad la, we still have to bend down to read notes. sian.
haha we played my favourite duet like once only and it was SO TIRING HAHA i blame it on the weather.
played quite a number of duets then practiced band songs, followed by some solo pieces.
i think we stayed up there for about 2plus hours, then packed and went to return stuff at esplanade library.

went to have a listen to some cd then decided to go back to pacific to mug.
used the internet there :D mel went home after a while, read gp package until sian.
and i'm just at the first page ARGH. must persevere..
went walking, then back again to mug, really quite unproductive. argh.
bize called and asked if we wanted to eat at hollandv

so all of us aka kristen isabel ben & i trained/bused there for cjade.
sorry kristen for wiping out your pocket money! D:
had fun playing dooby dooby doob doob again and a few other silly games haha, we all cracked up lol
aft dinner bused/walked home. tired, but it was a fun day :)

-

on a side note, OMG I GOT SUNBURNT TODAY.
WHILE PRACTICING AT ESPLANADE ROOFTOP OMG.
hello, i was sitting under a tree lor -_- okay maybe the leaves were not very shady.
its like my cheeks are red and my arms have this reddish sleeve mark.
WTH.
no wonder ben kept saying that i have makeup on. I DON'T.
i'm a cosmetics idiot. i didn't even wear lip gloss for prom.

sheherazade is smashing.
fourth mvt sounds a little like polovtsian dances.

haha, what nostalgia to listen to us play xenia sarda at nbc again.

and again, so many things i want to say.
but nevermind.

-

going swimming tmr morning with kristen bize puaybing before band! :)

life is like a sine graph =)
11:09 PM

i'm feeling better today.
practiced lots just now. fun :)
at the pacific coffee company now.
tata.

life is like a sine graph =)
5:12 PM

WHY DO I KEEP HURTING THE PEOPLE WHO ARE PRECIOUS TO ME

life is like a sine graph =)
1:49 AM

20070310

i'm not practicing hard enough.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:44 PM

20070308

and i thought yesterday's series of events already exhausted my supply of tears..

PARADOXICAL IRONY.
samho is not okay.

is jc life really this bad? does it hurt so much?
why have i never stopped crying the moment i entered ac?
fear, shame, sorrow, distress, agony, anger.. these emotions haunt me everyday.
i'm traumatised. i'm hurting inside.
why are friendships considered to be so trivial?
why is this happening?
why is life so unfair..

life is like a sine graph =)
11:49 PM

20070307

:(
today was the worst day ever so far in acjc. mep subject registration was the worst. i cried out the pacific ocean. i've never felt so horrible before in my life. i know the madams are just being honest and frank. i understand the purpose of it. but i'm just weak. all those words just hurt. i felt so pained as i talked to them. i'm really not good enough. i'm not there yet and i don't deserve to take mep. i really need to buck up and catch up. i need to practice so much more and i need to manage everything properly. i need to show the madams that i'm capable and that i deserve to stay in mep. i need to prove to them that samho is actually a very enthusiastic student. i need to prove to them that i can do so much more. i need to do so much more research and i need to read up so much more. i really need to push myself so so so much more.. i must push myself beyond my limits. i don't care if i die trying, because at least i'll be happy cause i'll know that at least i tried. i must put in my best, my bestest, and so much more than my best. after talking to the madams and crying for nearly one hour i'm so depressed discouraged and unhappy. i was even sent out to wash my face. but heck, i went back and cried some more, not much of a difference. i don't know, somehow i find that whatever mrs teoh says it just hurts.. real bad. i think the madams are just critical with their comments, which is good for feedback, but like i said, i'm just weak.. i need to become stronger! i need to improve myself, fast. i'm really unhappy about the fact that even my strongest aspect is regarded as not up to standard when i thought it was, which just shows how immature and far behind i am. i totally overestimated myself and thought i was good enough.. at least i've learnt there's never such a thing as GOOD ENOUGH.. someone will always be better than you, so just play your own music. i must learn, i must learn.. so much. press on.. i can do it.
bestfriend, please please please cheer up.. its so saddening to see you so depressed even though i'm not feeling the best of sorts myself. please take care, i'm so worried for you, so sad about the whole thing.. please cheer up okay, i'll always be around for you to talk to.
thanks kristen and yingda.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:14 PM

20070306

yes, i strongly agree with jialin's latest post.

i hate how the first three months seem to treat time and friends as such a trivial affair.

1AA4 (PAE) 2007

back: honchyte, evona, ann, michelle, ianthe, grace, roxanne, jialin, samho

front: teng, daryle, weisheng, jefri, wanpin, samwy, dewei, edwin, neville

absent: jeanette, teresa, rachel

i'll cherish these memories.. forever.

life is like a sine graph =)
11:11 PM

20070305

TODAY WAS A HAPPY DAY :)

i'm really damn tired i slept for only 2 hours ytd night but i must get this done.
contact was kinda fun, haha. changed my gliss for techniques, mugged asian.
gave sweets to my classmates X) and mr lancelot too :) HAHA he says its BIG lol. took lotsa photos! whee :)
asian was quite ok, went to get some food before rushing to math lect (super late haha)
we were so not paying attention.. sian. i love sneaking food. had a nice sms conversation with ben blubblub :)
break, went to eat, back to qm room, went nl for math tutorial. more photos! slack man.
had break, class went to bleachers to take photo :D:D:D:D yay haha i hugged jialin! nyaha she was so tickly
went for harmony, walao stress.. raaaah someone please give me theory lessons.
aft that went for chinese REALLY LATE cause we tried techniques before handing it up
gp after chinese, then swim pe (yay!) hahahah fun fun. got a frigging weird tan sia.
aft swim stood in the sun to dry (i didn't bring towel) then went cafe to eat with neville jialin ianthe :)
went qm room/lt4 aft that to prac, played duets with huiru yay :)
then yingda came along and we played trios/duets haha,
SUPER LAME cause we kept repeating/not repeating at the same time, wrong key signature, wrong rhythm etc.
haha, so funny, then yingda left and mingxuan came along so we played more trios/duets yay :)
we formed a mingxuan fanclub, HAHAHA. huiru and i emptied our lungs screaming at mx LOL.
yup then packed up, walked to dover area to meet kristen mel puaybing, bused/cabbed home with kristen.
bathed, dinnered, online.. yup.
and so the last day together as a class has come and gone..

1AA4 shoutouts :D

MR LANCELOT :D our very own mr lance who is our econs tutor! haha, he's a totally econs guy man, his world revolves around econs! haha, thanks for being a great form teacher who's cool with letting us take charge and stuff, thanks for being a super econs tutor who gives really interesting examples and all! its been great having you as our form teacher, thanks lots! you've got cool hair :D

DEWEI :D [classrep!] HEY FELLOW HIKER :) MY THURSDAY MORNING EXPEDITION BUDDY WHO SCALES SCALE MOUNT ACJC (aka 7th floor) FOR H1 LIT WITH ME :D omg, dewei is such a crappy person! gosh. i always thought he was a perfectly guai responZible classrep until i saw his TRUE COLOURS during h1 lit! haha, i hope we'll get to stay in the same class and same lit tutorials, i'll really miss our bitching sessions about ahem and ahem hahaha, and i'll miss falling asleep simultaneously with you HAHA, we always sleep like free during lit la. oh, and i hope we get to change our lit tutor also haha. lol. last thing, DEWEI LOOKS LIKE A CAT, SO HE'S A CAT, AND HE SAYS MEOW :D haha, he gives me the impression that he's quite cattish, i guess its his face and the sharp side teeth he has (i haven't ever told him about his teeth before) that makes him look feline. oh, he takes dep so he's perpetually black. that makes him a black cat, haha. SAY MEOW, DEWEI :D

ROXANNE :D [classrep!] hey hey pretty lady, i think you look mighty fine in ac uniform (compared to sc's la, haha)! another guai responZible classrep who's SUPER FRIENDLY and very very drama hahaha, acsian theatre you see. another one who's perpetually in black i think, and also she stays up VERY LATE (like me haha) cause i always see her on msn hahaha. she's very elegant (really really). hey you did a great job being classrep, gonna miss you LOADS if we change classes man, its been great having you and dewei taking care of us! :D haha, mommy!

MICHELLE :D [mathrep; bandmate!] HEY I LOVE YOUR PINK MIRROR PHONE HAHAHA. haha, stupid jefri is always borrowing your phone to play quadropop or roller coaster. EH ROLLER COASTER WAS FROM ME OKAY, HAHAHAHA. okay no la, i got it from paul haha. michelle's a mighty fine tboner, a nice math rep who allows us to copy homework HAHAHA! hey i'll really miss having you in the same class if i switch classes yup? heh heh band people will always understand each other better than other people! wheee there's 4 of us in 1AA4, we rock! :D roller coaster rocks :D

EDWIN! [BESTFRIEND; bandmate; mep-mate] HEY BESTFRIEND! HAHAHAHA. haiya, what a special friendship man. we've been through so many ups and downs in these short months and i really have to thank this guy for everything. really EVERYTHING. haha, like i said like how many million times already, next time when we grow old, we'll meet up and talk about the old days, like how we first became friends over 2 halves of an ice-pop after the orientation movie under the stars outside LT4. SOLID man! hahaha, this guys is damn frigging funny, he knows how to make people laugh like mad, and he knows his stuff well man! he's crazy la. we love talking about EVERYTHING, haha, just can't help it la. HEY you duck nehneh, i'll miss you A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT if we change classes, really, you've been such a great friend and these first three months wouldn't have been as good as it is without you as my classmate yup? I WILL REALLY MISS YOU KNOW, but yay you're not dropping mep so we can still like, say hi in brahms or something. lol. OH AND I'LL MISS RUSHING FOR MEP/MEP HOMEWORK TOGETHER HAHAHA, i think those are really the most memorable parts of these few months, like getting screwed during mep and then picking ourselves up.. haha, what a sadist i am. yup, THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING, these few months have been SMASHING and i really really really really hope that we will end up in the same class again. if we really do ah, i tell you, TURBO ENGINE EVERYDAY MAN! haha, internal joke la. YOU'RE THE BEST! i'll never forget your stupid chinese compo that made me cry haha. eh, you haven't finish telling me story la! tsk haha :D

JEFRI :D [bandmate] HELLO MY BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND! gosh, jefri is DAMN BLUR i tell you, i can't stand it. always don't do homework, don't know what's going on, don't know this don't know that. haha, he's PERPETUALLY PLAYING MICHELLE'S QUADRAPOP or ROLLER COASTER HAHAHA. (btw for this pic he just looked up from some game la, walao.) hey sotong, its been great having you in the same class yeah, so funny when we first found out haha! WE MUST PLAY THUMBS OFTEN IN BAND OKAY, since you're changing streams and stuff. I'LL MISS THE STUPID THUMBS GAME HAHA :D haha, and our paper-talk during econs lecture and sweet sharing etc etc etc. you retarded shit, i'll miss being in the same class as you la, we can't laugh about silly things and talk about nonsensical stuff alr. TAKE GOOD CARE OF EM! :D

ANN :D [mep-mate; m&m peanutbutter!] HEY HEY! aiya, we must go shopping one day okay. shop for bags, shoes, clothes, pencilcase, etc etc. haha! sigh, this person is REALLY kanchiong, until i couldn't really get used to her so she thought i disliked her D: man. but but but, after some time we became closer (yay!) and also cause we're mep-mates and all, yada yada.. ANN! don't be so kanchiong la, scary one you know! haha. she's dropping mep so i won't get to see her in brahms or bach anymore, haha all those memories, esp rushing for our first performance and all.. haha. rushing for mep and mep homework all that, those moments are so memorable and yet not, both at the same time. i'll really miss you if we change classes, and even if we don't i'll miss going to the music centre with you! haha, i know you love m&m peanut butter, cause thats what you always eat in lectures! which reminds me we sneak up a lot of food haha. TAKE CARE BABE, rock on and stay HAPPY! shopping! :D

IANTHE :D [my husband] HELLO DARLING I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH! haha, half the time i spend with her and jialin i always (happen to) 'rape' them by pulling up their blouses hahahaha :P lol! IANTHE'S HAIR IS THE COOLEST EVER, I LOVE IT MUCHMUCH :D haha, i rmb there was once i stole her strawberry soap from the body shop which she was so crazy over and she got sooo sad during gp haha! oops :P sigh, i will miss you very very very dearly if we change classes yup, and i'll miss your very random stares at me :D:D:D hahaha, love your sexy uniform! LOVE YOU HUBBY! :D

JIALIN :D [my fellow concubine; CHINESErep] HELLO FELLOW CONCUBINE! haha, this girl can make lots of crazy facial expressions, she's damn good with them! haha she kept on saying she didn't want to take photo cause her hair is SO BAD so i decided so skip her HAHAHA until she begged me which was not long after ie. 1 split second later HAHA. haha, i think the funniest thing that happened was that time we were sitting together in math and jialin totally ignored what i said to both her and ianthe, so i went 'omg, she doesn't give a damn about me' and this girl started laughing like CRAZY omgosh, i don't know how she finds me so amusing -_- haha jialin, SMOKEY EYE! hahaha, i love your imitations man, they're so retarded! oh and jialin's crazy about me being the bearfromthebigbluehouse doing my headbang and just today she labelled me as a snail cause my movements were slow. so i'm a snaily bearfromthebigbluehouse who headbangs, and she's forever amused by it man. haha, i'll miss you VERY VERY MUCH dear girl who is so scared of my hugs haha, i hope we can all remain in the same class and stuff yeah. I NEED YOUR LAUGHTER MAN, its so infectious haha! STAY AUNTIE! bearfromthebigbluehouse loves you!

WANPIN :D [artist!] hello inspiring potential artist! this girl is so sleepy everytime i see her and she's perpetually sleepING during lessons haha! heyhey, although i seldom talk to you its been great having you in the same class and i do hope we can remain classmates! sleep more, you look so much more tired than i do! :D

SAMWY :D [namesake!] hey namesake! haha, this girl has a damn cool surname, wyreweden! and she's always zoned out during econs tutorial haha. heya, i know i don't talk a lot to you but its been super with everyone in this class yeah, hope we can all be classmates again! all the best in your dep! :D

WEISHENG :D [rv boy] haha, i'm not exactly close to this guy but i sure know he's super happy about his transition from rv shorts to ac pants! hahaha. and he's super chinese la, he got like distinction for Os higher chinese or something so he doesn't have to take chinese, which explains why i seldom talk to him cause anyway i seldom see him haha. THIS PIC IS SO FUNNY, LOOK AT THE WAY HIS SPECS ARE SITTING ON HIS NOSE BRIDGE LOL! don't be a nerd la, haha, and don't sleep in econs tutorial too! :D

GRACE :D [dancer] HEY PRETTY DANCER! haha, i think grace is really pretty! hahaha. she's always hanging around with dewei and rox so i seldom talk to her cause anyway mep people are always rushing off haha. glad we got to know each other a little better at our previous class outing! haha, don't worry so much about your love life, just take things as they come yup? TAKE CARE BABE, you looked so cute dancing hsm haha :D all the best in poly! :D

HONKY :D [stoner] omgosh, see how tall he is, he bend his head also haven't reach my height la! hahaha. heyhey, i know i seldom talk to you guys and stuff, but its been great having everyone together as a class yeah? glad that i got to know you a bit more back then at the bleachers. haha, i hope you've understood the partial fractions thing lol. take care and all the best in your new jc :D haha, i still think your name is SO COOL man, its like so thai and exotic, haha! don't stone too much! :D

DARYLE :D [super ponner] hey! its been really fun having you around in class cause you and honky always make a great pair cooking up silly ideas and playing around haha, stop sleeping! and you're like a super ponner la, my gosh, i seldom see you (and honky and the rest) around for lectures or even tutorials haha. regarding that incident, i'm really sorry it happened yup, the situation was just not favourable.. i really do hope that we can put the past behind us and ya, i'm glad that we managed to sort things out :) wish i got to know you better in these few months but time's up so take care alright, don't become a father la, be a good boy and study hard okay? will miss all the nonsense and the music you bring to class, haha.. all the best! :)

EVONA :D [rj-ian to be] hello smart girl! haha, i seldom talk to you so all i know is that you're a super smart girl who pons lessons hahahaha and you wear braces too! haha i remember the first time we all introduced ourselves i got confused with henderson and anderson sec, oops! haha, hope you enjoy rj yup, will miss you! take care! :)

TENG :D [econsrep; badminton!] hello xiao teng! haha, this guy's always having fun, laughing and stuff. hey although we're not close or what but thanks lots for lending me your phone to play rollercoaster! hahaha i bet you enjoy it too man, its such a thrilling game! lol, take care okay, keep up your badminton skills (haha as shown in swimming today LOL) and stay happy! haha btw my face looks damn fat here and my hair looks screwed, okay nevermind. all the best dude! :D

NEVILLE :D [MAGICIAN!] OH MY GOSH THIS IS A REAL LIVE MAGICIAN! haha, neville is edwin's gay partner so naturally he's my buddy too! this guy is so good with magic and illusions, he's damn good in card and coin tricks! gosh, i really admire him for his skills man, he's like damn good! flying coin and magic cards! :D hey man, i'll really miss you gaying around with edwin and i'll super miss your crazy magic tricks! although we (three of us) only got closer towards the end of these few months its been SUPERB knowing you, we all had so much fun together man! i'll miss your magic and your gay shit! stay happy and hope you'll find your ideal girl soon, haha! all the best, gay shit! :D

those who didn't come today:

JEANETTE :D [hammy!] hey hey fellow crescentian! WE LOVE EMILY, DON'T WE? :D hey girl, thanks so much for being a fellow hamster and for being there when i was down in this class, thanks for being a motherly hamster and thanks for all the times we spent together in these short months. hope you do get to your dream jc and escape from ac hahahaha, i'll really miss you yup? HAMMIES SNUGGLE SNUGGLE ~ haha, take care! :D

TERESA :D [stringsss] hello! haha, i think qing was a good show! i like ac strings performances haha :) though we're not so close its been great having you in the same class! don't be so pissed over that econs incident ya, just relax.. yup, take care and all the best! :)

RACHEL :D [latecomer] haha excuse the nickname, but you really are like late almost everyday? haha, do take it in a positive manner, you get to skip some tutorials anyway haha! its been great having you in our class even though i'm not exactly close to you as well haha, but i certainly hope you're having lots of fun in dep! and anw i think you look scary when you don't smile, haha! smile more girl! take care and all the best! :)

what a way to end first 3 months.. i'll really miss 1AA4 (PAE) 07.

the times we had as a class, being naughty students, high people, happy friends..

its so saddening when people have to leave or change classes.

i'll really miss every one of you.. thank you all so much for being part of this great class.

i love you guys! take care everyone :D

life is like a sine graph =)
11:40 PM

everytime i read that blog post of yours, i'm touched.
i admire the way you view life and its ups and downs, i respect your thinking and i understand how you felt.
the most important thing is that i understand exactly what you were trying to say.
i feel the same way as you do towards what you call the uncertainties of life.
like what i always say these days, people change when they go to jc. or.. nevermind. et cetera.
i've changed, surely, not to become another arrogant ac rich kid or what, but i can feel myself changing.
i'm like you, i don't show it when i'm sad. i hide it at all costs. but that only happened when i came to ac.
read my archives, you'll find out what a crappy emo half-crazed person i was.
oh you won't find it, i didn't link it. DUH.
after i came to ac, probably based on the fact that its a dream-come-true, i'm happy.
all the time.
most of the time.
some of the time.
okay, other than the times i get screwed up at mep, yes, i'm always happy.
i'm happy and i want to make everyone else happy. beautiful world kind of thing.
i'll go to an unthinkable extent just to make someone happy again. sacrificing my own time and effort.
cause i want to see everyone happy too.
i want to help people solve their troubles, realise their dreams, cheer up and be happy. i want to help you too.
but there are times when i'm not okay. i'm not a happygolucky person all the time. i'm not on high 24/7.
who cares when i'm not alright? who bothers, since sooner or later i'll be okay again?
its so normal to see samho jumping around being a happy bouncy ball of laughter right?
i hope i can find the someone i've been blogging about recently.
the person who'll know immediately when something's wrong.
someone who cares and bothers whether or not i'm okay.
someone who notices and actually does something about it.
and i'm hoping that someone will be you.
(haha, wishful thinking. its fun sometimes, you get to dream about a lot of nice impossible stuff haha.)
but i know it won't be you. haha, what irony. its just useless hope.
i know, because you did the same.
you asked for someone as well, and good for you, you've already found this person.
it took me so long to realise it. its useless, no matter how much i hope that one day you'll realise. its useless.
life is so unfair. haha, what a spoilt brat i am to say that.
i can't wish for anything, because anything different wouldn't have resulted in today's reflections.
the only thing i can do is just be there for you when you need someone (besides the person that is,)
do my best to solve your troubles, realise your dreams, cheer you up and make you happy..
which is what i do for everyone else.
that makes you just another person in my life. just another random person.
and i hope it will be easy for me to treat you like another random person as well.
i hope it will be easy for me to forget your words, to forget your kindness and to forget you as a whole person.

what an entry.
i've been thinking about the blog post for quite some time already,
guess its time i should write out whatever's been going on in my mind regarding it.
have a good day people! school is starting in another 4 hours' time..

life is like a sine graph =)
3:19 AM

i got reminded of pudding again.
i bloghopped and saw a picture of the cutest white hamsters ever.
sigh, what a nostalgic feeling..
[edit] i've set the photo of the hammies to my wallpaper! haha, they're really cute.

on a lighter note, (i realise i use this phrase quite often nowadays)
today was a happy day :)
woke up at 11.30 feeling energised
(yay, that means i only need 8 hours of sleep cause i slept at like 3.30)
did some work, had lunch, went to kristen's to pick up the library stuff
bused to esplanade and went library again! yay yay.
returned the stuff (but forgot to pay my fines haha D:), zoomed into scores! whee
photocopied a 1.5cm stack of scores, yay :) duets and quartets and solos!
then went to search for cds! hee, found some clarinet duets and woodwind ensems, nicenice.
listened to about 4 cds selectively for about an hour plus while doing techniques
then went for 2nd round of cd-searching! whee hahaha.
couldn't find any of the songs ac's playing except for tosca but that was a vocal piece, rah.
then went for 2nd round of score rampage! yay haha :)
found more stuff, in the end photocopied a grand total of 4cm stack of scores! whee
haha, after that borrowed a woodwind ensem cd and a few scores before heading t marina sq :)
bumped into bize & yingda along the way, haha!
bought a lousy iced latte from mccafe (in other words don't buy) before heading to city hall
walked through raffles place shopping centre to go to carlton hotel at bras besah
met extended family there for last-day-of-cny dinner then went home.

yay, i'm so happy today because of all the scores i've found :)

haha, talking to you is so painful. i cannot stop bleeding.
[edit] i think my blood just ran dry, haha.

on a very very very much lighter note, tues is gonna be so fun!
firstly from 7.10 to 8.10 there's band practice! :)
then from 8.10 to 5pm there's nothing! :D
and then from 5 to 8ish there's band practice again! X)
what a day it will be.
i think i shall leave school after morning practice and go to the esplanade library again :)
i feel like studying on tuesday :) maybe i can go esplanade and listen to music and fall asleep, whee! fun.

life is like a sine graph =)
12:13 AM

20070304

OPTION 1
H2 Econs:
1.1 Scarcity, Choice & Opportunity Cost
1.2 Resource Allocation in Competitive Markets
1.3 Firms and How They Operate
2.1 Market Failure
2.2 Government Intervention in the Market
3.1 Key Economic Indicators
3.2 How the Macroeconomy works
3.3 International Economics

H1 Lit:
Poetry: Unseen
Prose: Charles Dickens - Great Expectations
Drama: John Webster - The Duchess of Malfi

OPTION 2
H2 Lit:
Poetry: Unseen
Prose: Charles Dickens - Great Expectations
Drama: John Webster - The Duchess of Malfi
Imagining other worlds:
- Aldous Huxley: Brave New World
- Anthony Burgess: A Clockwork Orange
- Charlotte Perkins Gilman: Herland

H1 Art:
Visual Arts and Representations
Realistic Representations
- Chunk Close (US)
- Duane Hanson (US)
- Rene Magritte (Belgium)
Abstract Representations
- Piet Mondrian (The Netherlands)
- Jackson Pollock (US)
- Constantin Brancusi (Romania)
New Media Representatios
- Marcel Duchamp (France/US)
- Damien Hirst (UK)
- Joseph Beuys (Germany)
- Nam June Paik (Korea/US)
Visual Arts & Society
About People
- Ng Eng Teng (Singapore)
- Lucian Freud (UK)
- Amanda Heng (Singapore)
About Society
- Bayu Utomo Radjikin (Malaysia)
- Dede Eri Supria (Indonesia)
- Tang Da Wu (Singapore)
About Culture
- Andy Warhol (US)
- Liu Kang, Cheong Soo Pieng, Chen Wen Hsi, Chen Chong Swee, Lim Cheng Hoe and Georgette Chen (Singapore)
- The Esplanade

I REALLY HATE HATE HATE ECONS BUT MY DAD IS FORCING ME TO TAKE IT :(
I WISH I COULD TAKE ART INSTEAD :(

life is like a sine graph =)
12:48 PM

20070303

ahh, saturday nights are the best to relax and unwind.
to think about the past week and about the week just ahead.
haha, i just love blogging out my week's events and thoughts etc :) helps me clear my mind :)
oh but anw, saturday nights are best to mug also. haha. (i'm NOT a mugger, melvin!)
but nevermind, i have lots to think about tonight.
recaps! oh i think i will change my blogging style a bit,
i guess it is getting quite boring reading about me travelling around school for different lessons
or about the different types of food i eat in school everyday etc etc.
just random stuff and highlights of the day kind of thing i guess. here goes.

-

mon
no schooljoy before math tutorial, HAHA.
super frustrated about n6ths, dim7ths and aug6ths. i should think less.
swim pe was ultimately cancelled cause God answered dewei's prayers to send rain.
practiced at qm room till 6ish, played duets with mingxuan :D yay fun
went hollandv with kristen puaybing sheree to eat @ market
then went starbucks to mug with kristen puaybing till 9 when dad came t fetch us.

tues
fell asleep during chinese D: sorry laoshi!
she was alr quite pissed moments before and i still dared to fall alsp ):
long break was spent at the mep centre waiting for consultation with mrs teoh
ended up being treated to a milo from her while discussing harmony in the canteen.
brainfreeze.. okay nevermind.
lit was shit. i got cursed to get retained, indirectly. wth.
band was romanfest. i think we played better :)
quite happy that mx and i played together for a few consecutive times for R45 :)
we sounded like 1 clarinet! that's good :)
aft band bused with kristen and suyin to syafiqah's but it was surprisingly closed
decided to eat at lemongrass thai restaurant on the 3rd floor of the coldstorage.
walked home, was quite tired so didn't do any work. talked to bize for the longest time.

wed
20th century music was fun, haha so xiong, i'm damn smart la (ya right.)
ms leong shooed us out aft class but ann and i waited for edwin
then while all of us were just rushing out of the mep centre to econs lect ms leong shouted at us from the window upstairs to shoo us and i got such a big shock i screamed! OMG how embarassing D:
haha i think i was quite retarded lol.
rushed off for sectionals lunchless. kinda productive..
played duets with ben :D fun fun.
ben kept laughing cause it was so so classical and he couldn't stand the (read: retarded) melodies LOL
electone aft that, i hope i will practice more often or else i'll just disappoint her
too lazy/tired to do any work so went to bed early ie. before 12 :)

thurs founder's day
froze in the hall during founder's day celebration i tell you.
all the speeches were so very draggy and boring, couldn't help but yawn every now and then.
in the end ian ben i resorted to playing hp games with our hps on our stands to make it notsoobvious.
ask me how we did it, i'm sure you'll laugh man.. super (obvious) finger/hand movements haha.
and also sending random bluetooth msgs (my fav haha) but quite dangerous also lol
imagine you send to mr balakrishnan (sp?) or smth, sure die sia.
we sent msgs (without knowing) to melvin and kenneth, haha.
aft founders' day celebs had combined romanfest for 2plus hours
lunched at ghihmoh, sectionals till 5plus. duets and trios are so fun :)
went to SCH with the j2s for acsi soundcheck, quite an experience to hear the differences.
quite amazing leh! haha. took acsi's bus back, then bused home with kristen and tim (ruth's bro) :D
i wish i was more focused.. argh.

fri
i composed 32 bars of techniques within 40mins. OWNAGE. so proud know.
and then i got trashed during techniques. over a FRIGGING D#.
DAMN FishING PISSED OFF WITH MYSELF. SO CARELESS CAN?!
i knew E was on the right side of the bridge, D was on the left side of the bridge.
AND I TOTALLY FORGOT D#, WHAT THE Heck.
and i MERELY USED CRUMB'S PIANO TECHNIQUE, TREMOLO ON STRINGS, BOXED NOTES, SHARPNATURAL (#♮), UP AND DOWN FROM Dsharpnatural TO Fsharpnatural.
turns out, the frigging D# happens to be on the RIGHT SIDE of the bridge
and i got super thrashed by madam for that very note.
i don't blame her cause she alr told us week after week after week abt the physical constraints of the grand piano.
i'm just damn damn damn DAMN pissed off with myself for being careless about the D#.
i know, its JUST a D#, JUST a semitone.. but THAT'S THE POINT, its JUST ONE SEMITONE!
i got screwed just because of that ONE semitone.. do you know how it frigging PISSES ME OFF?!
i'm such a shitty blockhead.. why can't my work be PERFECT like other meppers?
ok nevermind, i'm starting to become a perfectionist and a comparisonist if there is ever such a word.
forget it, i had a damn bad morning. i freaked edwin and ann out. sorry guys.
i stick to the theory that music makes people mad. see how many composers committed suicide? hur.
same applied for my o level music.. but that's another story. rah, this is so frustrating. okay its over, forget it.
gp was fun cause ms chen didn't come and i (being the nice gp rep) gave the class free&easy
well other than a vocab wksht and copying of corrections la.
i'm always awed by neville's magic tricks! he brought cards, damn fun la. will miss him when we change classes..
econs tutorial was oh no i'm gonna sleep again.. i think i should drop econs.
had long break, but realised NO H3 :DDDD so basically my lessons ended at 11.50 XD
aft sch went to town for dental with gerdine :) met huiru and jasmine along the way haha
went music essentials aft dental, couldn't find any duets D: haha another day la.
walked around at dhoby xchange and ate ~~SUPERSPICY laksa~~ (i couldn't take it, so wasted) fishballs
trained/bused home, only had 1 hour left to math tuition. nyahaha.
aft tuition went BACK to dhoby ghaut (how irritating), had dinner at PS crystal jade with extended family.
jin came from malaysia! :DDDDDDD wheeee. to see her bro's diploma show i think.
after a very boring dinner i brought jin to carl's jnr to eat chicken strips and chilli cheese fries! haha yay
then we went macs for ice cream! hee. wanted to go daiso but nothing interesting/close shop time.
met the rest of the family, went home aft buying the baugettes for band lunch.

sat
cabbed to sch when i could have caught the bus. rah.
haha, i got so many ppl addicted to my egg crepe thingy :)
sectionals were okay. i got switched to third for tosca, must practice must practice..
spent lunch practicing G of tosca while the band ate the sandwich stuff.
actually changing parts was quite a bad idea.. it just equates to 1 self-prac session down the drain
cause all the effort put into learning first part for tosca is now useless.. i even memorised G -_-
[esp when i put in the effort to learn G in MALAYSIA during cny.. sia la. haha.]
a little discouraging.. but oh well, no worries! i can always learn more, practice more, play more things :)
i'll know better what's going on in both parts and i'll be able to follow the music :)
yup! i'll master the whole of G before next saturday :D yay yay go go go sam! push yourself past your limits!
haha. i have my own theory that there're no such things as limits..
you call them limits cause you imagine them to be there, but in actual fact they're not.
cause you imagined them to be there.
you can go past them, if you actually think they're there, but they're not, cause you imagined it yourself.
you can go wayyyy beyond.. and find paradise! ok whatever. ya, there're no such things as limits :)
its all in the mind peeps! :D tell yourself you can do it, everything'll be okay :)
hahaha. okok i digress. ya erm, combined was better, i got hungry quickly but i focused on the playing instead :)
paul and i haven't finished playing our guess-the-occupation game, haha. lifeguard, haha very funny! lol.
after band went hollandv bk to dinner, i tapaoed subway
teeth started to hurt from dental so switched to fries after finishing a little more than half the sandwich.
walked to mrt but saw my bus halfway so dashed for it, in the end mum wanted me to go harbourfront -_-
met the group along the way again, trained with eugene stuart shawn talking about ksl hahaha.
dropped by vivo to buy some sweets from candy empire and a box of chilli cheese fries from superdog for parents.
met parents then drove home.

-

haha, i think i'm super +ve sometimes.
but i can also be super -ve sometimes.
weird me huh :)

congrats bize! :DDD super happy for you x)

there is no such thing as a good tone or a perfect tone,
the tone you want to achieve is the tone you like.
that reminds me,
I WANT TO BUY A CLARINET. NOW.
i want to use it for syf.
or else i'll have to stick to my rahrah R13 until like after june concert. grahhh !#$%$%^&

oh yes, a funny conversation today..
melvin: stop mugging!
me: i'm not mugging! i'm practicing!
melvin: stop mugging music!
me: i'm not mugging music! i'm practicing clarinet la!
hurhurhur.

i'm really considering dropping h2 econs.
i can either take up h2 art (which will be quite mad of me)
or up my h1 lit to h2 lit and take h1 art (sound more sane)
my art sucks, i've lost touch with it since primary 4.
oh well, this is what you get when you don't take geog for upper sec
and vow never to take any sciences or history ever again.
what a dilemma.. i wonder what's the opportunity cost of dropping econs -_-

on a very much lighter note,
i really really love school :) haha.
looking forward to next week! orientation 2, some time to breathe.

-

i think i shall pick up my borrowed cd from kristen's house tmr
and head to esplanade library to return it and pay my fine (overdue for 2 days, haha)
then i shall go on a search for scores again (duets, trios, quartets, quintets! whee)
and also rampage for clarinet cds.. seriously need a good listen soon.
shall be done with my homework before i go to esplanade library.
either that or i shall just go there to do my work, haha.
yay yay :)

life is like a sine graph =)
11:19 PM

20070302

i'm sorry.
i've failed so many expectations of me..
doing something wrong when i know its not right.

com'on sam, focus, focus..
play with the heart.
ignore all distractions and concentrate..
nothing is impossible.

life is like a sine graph =)
12:20 AM