:D

20070430

after the strings recital i came home and started mugging around 11.30
finally finished the first set of econs notes at 3.30 with a bad brain jam and a sore right hand
and i have been indulging myself in using the computer and bloghopping and doing whatever shit online that can get my mind off econs because i'm so sick of econs.

and now its like 4.30+
and i have the second set of econs notes to go.
don't need to sleep already.

i swear tmr (or rather later today)
i'll just come home after clarinet lesson and KO on my bed.
even if i still (amazingly) have any form of energy to do anything at all.

serve you right sam.. you just didn't want to make time in the march holidays to mug econs right? right? right?
you just didn't make time to mug econs every sunday after mus'art prac or even last week right? right? right?
serve you right, serve you god damn right..
now go and study you bitch.

thank god for labour day (even though there's soundcheck) or else i would have to suffer the entire week
cause if i don't sleep well on sunday night i basically just die off for the week unless i sleep extremely early one night
i swear i'll sleep immediately after lesson tmr.. i swear..
thank god its soundcheck and not SCHOOL.. ugh.
okay. this feels very O-level-mugging-mode now. i shall maintain and like continue studying.
good day/night/morning/whatevershit.
sorry i'm talking freaking gibberish cause i'm damn crabby and irritable and cranky and econs now. whatever.

life is like a sine graph =)
4:32 AM

20070429

recently, i told my parents over dinner.
i told them that for the next 2-3 weeks i will neglect my studies except mep.
not i'll try not to, or i won't.
its i will.
i've set my heart to it. i will neglect my studies.
so to all my teachers.
mr lim, i'm sorry i haven't done the essay qns and drqs that you asked for.
mdm shih, i'm sorry i haven't done/handed up my tutorials 6 and onwards.
mr woolhead, i'm sorry i haven't read till chapter 14.
lin laoshi, i'm sorry i haven't done all your worksheets.
as for mep, gp and pw i'm still managing well.
so to these teachers, i'm very very sorry.
please give me just these 2 weeks.
i know it seems downright rude to ask for this
but i am at the point of begging on my knees.
please understand.
i promise i will hand in everything after syf.
i promise i will work doubly hard after syf.
i can promise you everything after syf.
just give me another 12 more days..

ma, pa, just 12 more days..

-

anyway! this week has been my very first and very successful
ANTI-SLEEPING WEEK! :D:D:D:D:D
OMG SO HAPPY I DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP DURING LESSONS AT ALL THE WHOLE WEEK!
except a few times i DANGEROUSLY drifted halfway into lala land but i jerked myself awake because i wanted to make a super successful anti-sleeping week :D
i think i nearly fell asleep on tuesday's and wednesday's lit tutorial and on thursday's lit lecture.
crap la i ALWAYS tend to sleep during thursday morning's lit lecture.. must find a way to stay awake!
and gosh why do i keep drifting off in lit! shall jab myself awake in future.
but anyway, YAY! i didn't sleep AT ALL! :D:D:D:D:D super happy. teehee.
CLAP CLAP :D

mon
BAD DAY. (aka long monday post.)
fell asleep on the sofa after many many many attempts to wake up to my phone's 5min interval alarms.
which was about 4am. which means i didn't really finish mugging for music.
which means i didn't charge my phone the whole night.
mugged music throughout assembly chapel break mathlecture. approx 4 hours from the time i woke up.
BAD DAY FACTOR 1: MY NEW BAG'S ZIP BROKE. its like the first day using it and the main zip just broke.
so bloody pissed off but whatever.
was trying to rush into the library to continue mugging when i realised the zip wouldn't budge.
and then it became something like, however you zip the stupid zip will always be open. heck.
commentary test was ok. didn't complete it properly but oh wells.
BAD DAY FACTOR 2: econs tutorial, MY PHONE DIED. and i needed to contact edwin (absent) BADLY.
oh well. at least i concentrated more in class.
lunch, chinese. got lost, changed classrooms twice.
break at qm room. this was the point where i rmb something like
i took out my phone and put it on the table with my file
went to the toilet and when i came back it wasn't there.
so i just took it for granted that it was in my pencil case.
went for gp (in comlab) and pw, then school ended.
BAD DAY FACTOR 3: finally realised MY PHONE WAS GONE.
panicked like shiat cause i had to go to tang laoshi's house by 6.30 and it was getting late.
AND without my phone i couldn't tell laoshi that i would be late
cause laoshi's number is in my phone in the first place.
let me tell you something,
it is FREAKING DEPRESSING to search the entire classroom block for your lost phone to NO AVAIL okay.
i took the lift 1000 times that day i tell you. i had to go:
level 1: general office (5 times), staff room (to look for teachers to help me open the comlab)
level 2: 2.13 (pw lesson location - 5 times), TA room (to ask for help to open the comlab SUCCESSFULLY for once)
level 3: LT4 and qm room (base area)
level 4: 4.9, 4.10 (chinese lesson locations - 5 times)
level 5: 5.12 (intial gp lesson location - 2 times)
level 6: 6.13 comlab (gp lesson location - 5 times)
level 7: 7.14 (econs lesson location - 5 times), mario's room (to look for mario but he wasn't there)
spent more than one hour scouring all these places.
and its freaking irritating to have them ranging over ALL LEVELS.
managed to get the keys to all the rooms (thanks to zhenrong & martin) but there was nothing
(thanks bize for accompanying me when i checked all the rooms)
leaving only the comlab to be checked and it was SO HARD trying to get some authorized person to help tap card and open the room
thankfully the TA guy was still around, he was about to leave omg
but there was nothing in the comlab as well.
seriously i think either i dropped it somewhere in the qm room (kinda likely)
or i dropped it in the comlab and mario/someone picked it up.
oh well. heck. sim card has been cancelled and phone is.. 2 years old or more.
its just a BAD DAY. yea yea everyday is a bad day.
so it was about 6plus when i finally decided to give up. and i was freaking late for lesson.
called laoshi using mel's phone (thankfully kenneth replied my msg via mx's phone) to say i would be late.
cabbed to TAMPINES (god bless me please) with mel and stuart
and reached laoshi's house like 1 HOUR LATER OMG. cab fare was near 25 bucks. (freak jams.)
all of us fell asleep on the taxi so i thought it was quite amusing when the taxi driver was like OKEH OKEH WEKAP WEKAP when we were reaching.
dropped mel and stuart at the mrt before going to laoshi's house.
BAD DAY FACTOR 4: 45 MINUTES LATE FOR VERY FIRST CLARINET LESSON.
laoshi wasn't irritated/angry cause he already said he had time
(he even told me to take my time when i called him to say i would be late)
but it seriously pisses me off to know that i was late for the FIRST lesson. like shit.
oh well, thankfully all went well after that, lesson was okay, i learnt a lot of new things.
currently undergoing change in embrochure.. quite a huge problem.
laoshi's kid is so cute! hahaha.
dad came to fetch, reached home around ten, bathed, tried to do homework but decided to slp in the end.

thanks to those who lent me their phone in my time of phonelessness.
edwin, bize, mingxuan, mel, stuart, michelle, ben. a few more kind souls, sorry i left out your names.

tues
erm, phoneless day. absolute uncontactability.
i failed my 2.4 by 30 seconds! argh D:
harmony was super short, like 20 minutes only cause joy was absent etc.
long break with gladys! omg in the end she took so long to eat we don't need to go library alr la! grr haha.
went dover aft sch for dinner with ben, bought back food for bize and stuart.
combined.. hopeless feeling.

wed
using old phone. which jams like crazy. (hahaha edwin would know about my spamming plan)
gp video! interesting but too gory for me ):
the japs shot the chinamen like free la wth! ):
and the stupid man just shot himself in the mouth by accident OMG ):
feel so sad and scared after watching it.
went through commentary test during music.. ya.
oh sch ended at 1.10 cause there was track meet!
and band has sectionals hahaha :) went through safari and intonation for romanfest.
sectionals dragged on till past six, was 40mins for electone :l
i shall force myself to master morning glory and RH for rhapsody.

thurs
techniques became harmony.
econs was enriching! omg i must sit in the first row more often.
watched more of the gp video in comlab. haha fun!
and we finally changed topic for chinese (FINALLY! edwin was going crazy with the lu xun xian sheng forever)
aft sch ended went to library to rush lit optional assignment (haha i feel so guai)
wanted to go dover with gerdine but in the end no time, dinner in canteen.
give up la jialin, he's attached alr HAHAHA
combined.. hopeless feeling AGAIN.
dr lee asked us that question two practices in a row..
i feel like stabbing myself for not being in tune, for not having the right dynamics, etc etc etc
for not being anything that he wants us to be.
yeah. oh well. kristen's mum fetched, thanks :)
bathed, fell asleep on the bed without knowing AT ALL so i didn't manage to do my techniques, wth.

fri
rushed techniques composition all the way. managed to finish 1 period before tech phewwwww.
i didn't sleep during math!
this must be especially commended cause i always sleep during friday math tutorials haha.
pe was baton relay! hahaha.
guess my techniques were alright at least, hmm flutter tongue.
pw was freak boring.. my good friend aka pw group leader fell asleep so ya. -looks at edwin-
asian was ok, a bit confusing (as always).. more more more terms.
went dover with michelle and gladys! :D yay bubble tea hahaha
aft lunch cabbed back home to get my blazer then rushed back to sch.
walao the uncle don't want to alter my blazer! grrrr. heck.
studied econs, went back home for math tuition which ended at 10.
dinner, tried to do some work, fell asleep.

sat
section meeting at 8. changed R23 too.
tried playing my compo with gerdine and em :) :) :) sounds ok! :)
ben's duet! haha so fun, hope i can find nicer duets :)
combined sectionals at 10. HAHAHA HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY.
roman fest 10 bars aft R36 was DAMN FUNNY.
haha when the bari saxes first played it our section was like eh.. so familiar HAHA
our section song LOL chinese funeral HAHAHA.
D DE F#AF#E D (if you can actually understand this notation)
then aft that we couldn't stop laughing while we played R36 lol.
oh ya mx and cyn and i got soft brown chairs wth. super cushiony but damn hard to sit properly.
lunch, i went to dover to get chickenrice and bubbletea for em ALONE
and i had to climb the gate !#$%^&* haha.
oh well a friend in need is a friend indeed :) lunched with em after her audits.
combined, i hope i am hearing improvement..
roman fest felt better than the last. we have to keep working! :)
aft band went hollandv XOfish for dinner with dr lee! thanks for the dinner! :D haha everyone looked drunk.
em and i went back to sch aft dinner to get jef's blazer (!#$%^&*) silly boy.
back to hollandv, met the rest at starbucks! caramel frap :)
dad came to fetch, reached home, on the phone with em then edwin, play gameboy (i was super bored) then fell aslp.
hoi! cheerup girl! wo ai ni :D:D

-

unfathomable stress..

i feel so excited, yet stressed.
i can't wait to perform, but i haven't perfected everything yet.
keep working sam.. i'm going to start practicing in brahms again.

a conversation sparked off a whole string of thoughts..
i feel so heartbroken.
my heart feels so heavy, my head spins with giddiness.
our hearts our hopes our aims are one.
since when?
its so painful..
since when were we considered united?
since when we had togetherness?
what is the point of fighting so hard when not everyone wants to fight as hard,
not everyone wants to fight alongside everyone else,
not everyone's hearts are dying for this?
can you feel it? your heartstrings being pulled so tightly
to the point its almost going to snap..
how many of us feel as heartbroken?
if only..
perhaps after all this, i can finally bury my head in my hands and cry it all out..
i really hope that all of us reflect on what he said.

-

oh ya this is my 700th post on this blog.
old nia. since sec1, hahaha.

life is like a sine graph =)
2:14 PM

20070428

so painful..

life is like a sine graph =)
12:01 AM

20070423

when its one of the worst days of your life,
have a listen to the phantom of the opera.

forever inspirational.

having gotten over the initial anxiety and shock,
i shall now talk about my lost phone.
to whoever who found my phone:
if you are a kind soul, please return my phone to me or the general office. in order to be able to do that, hopefully you are kind enough to charge my phone and find out who i am because my phone is dead.
if you are not a kind soul, too bad for you, i have cancelled my sim card. you can go and pawn the stupid phone for all i care. may retribution find its way to your doorstep.

it seems as though everyday is becoming a bad day.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:40 PM

20070422

looks like some people have been smart enough to use printscreen to read my post that came with the disable highlight function.

haha.

now it comes with white colour function :)

-

today was quite a wasted day in terms of doing homework and mugging.
cause i didn't do any of that.
but academics aside.. i spent the day packing my stuff.
cleared my table, packed up my 'corner', stuff like that.
came across old letters.. read them and realised many things.
what my whole life is based on, what my purpose in band is..
yup.

oh i spent 2 hours trying to install super mario in my gc and gave up.

back to PI and mugging for tmr's toccata commentary test.

-

oh and, i am NOT your personal printer. thank you very much.
FOUR times today already.. had enough.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:48 PM

recaps for the week.

mon
DAMN TIRED. but i didn't sleep in class the whole day yay!
assembly was in lt1 whee! slept even though i tried to mug math
math test was !#$%^&* gone case alr yay. (i got 16%! go calculate, its upon 25 hee)
mep was :(
gp test was okay, i didn't finish but oh well
still feel quite accomplished about reading the whole package.
pw was !#$%^&* ARGH shit.
practiced for a while aft sch
went hollandv gelare with bize and ben, wasted money on pasta
shared waffle, tried to mug asian, cabbed home
dinner, mug more asian, practice clarinet, did harmony until i fell asleep on my electone (wth)

tues
went to sch a little later than normal time
slept in lt4 and in assembly and in chinese
bleacher jumps are so tiring
so happy i can do pullups without struggling now!
practical was ok.. i.. need.. a.. tutor..
econs lecturer nagged at me hahaha. i became an instant clown.
mugged asian and more asian during econs and math.
asian test was ok.. hoped i understood the qns correctly.
harmony was :((
lunched with gladys, then had an enriching lit lesson
aft sch went library to check out the ben&jerry's free cone day thing
then went vivo with ben to get a free cone! :D
unfortunately the queue was extremely long (in 3 sections some more)
so we thought it would take hours and decided to give up and go eat dinner D:
turned out we heard from the others that the queue was actually VERY FAST
how irritating, have to wait 365 more days before the next free cone day comes D:
but anyway, dinner at superdog, bused back to sch
sectionals followed by combined.. physically and perhaps emotionally tired.

acsi got gold with honours! great job kids :D

wed
fell aslp the moment i reached home so had to wake up earlier to chiong rigaudon essay
chionged like crazy within an hour. left the house much later than usual.
and I WASN'T LATE OMG. i must be a genius. whatever.
joy to the world, the first 4 periods of the day (aka my most despised subject) had a RELIEF TEACHER!
but anyway the relief teacher was so --- so it makes not much difference i suppose.
fell asleep during lit timed assignment so i kind of flunked it. no mood to do.
tried very hard to listen during econs lecture.. fell asleep in the last 15 mins.
contact, lunch, combined sectionals.
i hope i'm hearing improvement.. and i seriously hope ppl will remember what benpooi teaches us.
(btw tang laoshi called! YAY YAY next monday! :D)
went for electone aft that, didn't bring scores
did rhapsody in blue and turandot.
had macs ice cream before going home.

thurs
slept in lit lecture AGAIN.. wth i really want to stop sleeping.
chinese in favourite classroom was spent reforming my entire life (aka my file)
felt like a new man.. okay nvm.
math lecture was okay, half paying attention half playing dino puzzle..
tried to rush harmony but realised i couldn't finish on time so decided to let see madam on mon instead.
rushed to dover and back, bought stuff back for michelle and gladys
came back before 5 and realised that all the percussion was moved to the lt alr so we were free till 5.45.. zzz.
practiced here and there then had combined.
not many comments.. just kinda glad that now everyone knows that passion must come with perfection.
really wish that it is the turning point.. yup.

acjc guitar ensem got gold with honours! JIALIN I LOVE YOU! :D

fri
i cried into assembly and gp.
disappointment and disgust at self.
i simply forgot how much they mean to me. absolutely blinded by the hate for another.
i have to treasure them more.. and not to regret when they leave.
it lasted until after pe. chionged econs essay in the library and during econs.
handed up ON THE DOT PHEW. gosh.
long break, pw, end of sch :) hahaha.
went out, bused to town, walked around while waiting for stuart & ben to end school
went on a search for a nice sch bag.. to no avail in far east :(
bused to heeren, but again to no avail :(
ben & stuart on the way, i went for dental.
went og to find bags, no avail again. got starbucks, waited for ben & stuart outside the mrt
got caught by some surveyor who wanted me to lie about my age if anyone called me. wth.
met the guys, went cine pastamania for dinner.
and FINALLY! found a nice bag! whee :D (JIALIN DO YOU SEE THIS :D)
bused back to sch aft dinner, practiced at the bleachers :)
left the school near 10, bused/walked home.

acjc string ensem got gold! good job people :)

sat
went school at 8 for section tuning.
warmups, combined till 11.
vexed beyond words with my own tuning. mood plunged.
sectionals till 12.30. i think my mind was somewhere else.
sat on the other side of the lt during lunch to reflect..
em bought back lunch for me. thanks :)
haha i think using the windowsills on the other side of the block to eat was very smart of me.
lol, self praise is no praise but hahaha.
thanks zhenrong. it kind of helped la. guess it was just a bad morning..
had briefing for sound check then boarded the bus to SCH. sat with em! :)
took pictures of kenneth with my hairclip. to no avail but there was 1 pic that he looked super innocent.
haha he says he looks like a korean superstar. -_-
erm slacked outside the hall when we reached.. waited for quite a long while before going in.
met gen! :D teehee i tried her toscaaa! :D:D:D tone-wise its excellent man.
yup then went in to the hall, ib went first and we set up/sat there.
then our turn, went out for tuning and warmup.
entered the hall like how we would have to during syf, settled down..
went through safari and romanfest. mmm acoustics are so different.
everything sounds cleaner and fresher. hmm.
finished at 6, packed up and left the place.
the rest of the band took the bus back to school while the clarinets left from SCH.
thanks em for bringing my instrument and file back to school :)
yup then it was clarinet section outing! :D yay so happy (fellow sectionmates would know why)
went to cheers to get drinks, stopped for a while there cause paul lost his wallet
wallet found in SCH, moving on to city hall. met meiling and liyun there, then off to marina square :)
we wanted to eat at billy bombers but it was full so we had to wait
the section went to sit somewhere in the open while ben and i went (window-)shopping!
didn't find my pencilcase haha so went to meet the section outside
rotted for super long before the table was ready :( super hungry haha.
ate fish&chips! omg 3 pieces of fish O_O wth seriously american portions.
couldn't finish the last piece, and drank only quarter of my choc milkshake.
at the end of our meal we all played the numbers game and so many ppl kena! lol
mostly guys la, they ate lester's concoction of weird foods lol.
aft that we took section photo (hilariously) and then left the place :)
trained to harbourfront with mingxuan (mingxuan!!)
waited at vivo for my parents to finish their stuff.
gave mx a lift then went home to bathe and sleep.

today's in the next post.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:45 PM

20070418

meet samho, the worst student in mep.

i'm rude
i go for class late
i don't do my work

i can't stop getting into trouble.

what the freak is wrong with me?!

to think that i regard music as my favourite subject.

i wish i was perfect.
i wish my voice was not irritating so the madams wouldn't think i'm rude when i wasn't being defiant
i wish my face was not irritating so the madams wouldn't think i'm rude when i don't smile
i wish i didn't have to go to the toilet that day so i would be 5 minutes early for class and not 5 minutes late
i wish i had better ears so i would have heard the instruction to do the correct homework and not do something else that wasn't assigned as homework
i wish i had smarter brains so i wouldn't have to be so weak in harmony
i wish i didn't have to have so many 'incidents' which i really didn't mean to happen
i wish i was someone else so i don't have to be a problem kid
i wish i could just vanish off the surface of this earth and disappear forever so i wouldn't have to be such a nuisance to the madams

i'm so frustrated..
so miserable..
so depressed..

Lord, i'm begging you.. please don't let me get into any more trouble with the madams..
i really don't want to make them angry.. i don't want to get into any more trouble..
i don't want to start disliking music just because i get into so much trouble..
Lord please keep the passion in me burning no matter what.. i don't want to lose the joy of music..
i'm so tired of getting into trouble, i'm exasperated with myself..
please Lord.. i'm on my knees to beg you.. please don't let me get into any more trouble anymore..
i beg of you..

life is like a sine graph =)
12:15 AM

20070416

so tired..
i wish i could just like get hospitalized for a whole week or something
(with exceptions of band pracs lol, i'll escape from the hospital)
then i can deal with my entire mountain of work -looks up-

i've made some changes to the layout. photos and calendar taken out.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:15 PM

i wish that everybody
and i mean every single one of us
would go to the band blog and read joel's post.

passion must come with perfection.
now it is not only i who think likewise

can we please

just wake up and stop wasting everyone's time

so many people full of complacency
i can see it in their eyes

how badly do you want the gold with honours
or should i say how badly do you want to DESERVE the gwh
its not about saying it all day that we're all aiming for gwh
because words are just so freaking cheap
and at the end of the day it is about what we deserve

lets go down to an even lower level.
do you even deserve to be in competition band?
those people who just don't give a damn
should just change places with people who want so much to play for syf
people who have both passion and perfection
so much more than those complacent people
who take their place in competition band FOR GRANTED

i finally feel angry.
i finally feel the right to be angry.
angry, sad perhaps
but ultimately disappointed.

perhaps i don't have the right to say all these
because i have not perfected every single detail
but i have to apologise
because i can't help getting angry with people
who have neither passion nor perfection
and cannot be bothered at all.

i shall leave you with a question.
are you even ready to commit?

goodnight.

life is like a sine graph =)
3:21 AM

20070415

mon
almost late for school, had to run from the gate.
what a traumatising experience.. shall wake up earlier from now on.
the math lecturer's voice is seriously a lullaby drone.. zz.
really lagging behind for econs ):
laoshi called me a 2ndintaker cause i thought lesson was at nl1 instead of nl12 -_-
my pw teacher is damn crappy. he called me sleepy sammy. like wth?!? -_-
aft sch went back to crescent to visit visit with cher.
throat was getting really bad, decided to go silver cross at hollandv to get mc for tues.

tues crescent syf
woke up at 12. coughed a lot in my sleep ):
decided to watch cgssb's syf since i didn't have school and i had the ticket.
bused to tanjong pagar and met cher. went sch together.
crescent band was first band of afternoon session, aft they finished we went out to meet them.
some cried (as usual). but i felt they did well onstage.
set piece was a little unstable but choice piece did the job.
stayed outside with the band till their bus arrived.
went to checkers with cher for lunch then back to sch for second half of afternn session.
listening to the remaining 6 bands was an experience. now i know how sian the judges feel.
jef stuart and the other barker guys came just before barker played
i got into a crazy coughing fit while barker was at their set piece. started regretting going out of the house.
cgssb came back for results, gold :) they jumped up and started screaming/crying (as usual).
haha, well done my dear girls :) go clars! :)
after results the barker guys went back for band, i bused home.
dinner, work, sleep. throat was better, but still hoarse voice.

wed
busy day. started off with 4 periods of my most hated subject.
not too bad really, we had the time to ourselves to do our essays.
mich knocked out, gerdine and edwin stoned and started a bit
i zoned out and started notating my scores and scoring love letter for clarinet.
oh there was a lit timed assignment, i think i flunked the last part of it.
rigaudon is interesting. i think i will like all sorts of music if i listen to it while looking at the score.
used to be totally unable to appreciate 20th century music (still do a little bit now) but i like what's being taught.
that means yay.
sectionals at vg!, decided to play despite (still) bad throat.
haha i find vg quite an amazing part of the sch although it smells weird. probably the airport feel haha.
electone aft that, yay yay got new songs! TURANDOT YAY! :D:D:D:D
might play that for a levels if the madams approve
(which i don't think they will cause the score looks damn easy la. but it sounds DAMN GRAND whee!)
home, stayed up doing PI in vain.

thurs
knock out for lit. woke up at the last period.
feel grateful to mr woolhead for not scolding me when i slept cause he picked on another guy after i woke up.
sorry mr woolhead! :( i'll try very very very hard not to sleep during thursday lectures..
(although dewei say i sleep not obvious one haha, but ya. i was right under his nose la! gosh.)
techniques was interesting, hahaha i love riverdance :D
but i seriously have to change my theme.. i feel as though all my compositions are gonna be so different
got pissed off during econs but nevermind.
CHIONG gp essay for 6 periods (2 periods of gp, 4 periods of chinese) omg, how tiring D:
good thing laoshi didn't see/pretended not to see me doing gp
math lecture was useless cause i forgot to bring gc rahh.
decided to listen to mp3, gladys couldn't stop laughing about fruit salad by the wiggles hahaha.
she even sang the uh-huh-huh LOL, must listen to how she sings it
went for harmony make up. sigh i feel bad for being so sucky at harmony :(
its not like as if i like to make madam angry :(
band aft that, combined sectionals.
home, stayed up doing PI. fell aslp at 12, woke up at 3, did until 4.

fri
HAHA my hated subject was so krrkrr cricketcricket. lame shit.
math was knockout. like edwin says, good morning sam! had a good slp? :)
pe was gym! fun stuff, i feel like working out more often. michelle and i are addicted to cycling machines.
and THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY
after weeks and weeks (months i would say) for CATCHING NO BALL for ECONS
I FINALLY CAUGHT A BALL DURING ECONS TUTORIAL.
OMG JOY TO HIGH HEAVEN MAN.
okay usually i switch off or don't understand anything during econs (thus guilt)
thats why i'm super lagging behind but ya
I FINALLY CAUGHT BALL LA. OMG. freaking happy.
mr lim even said that my paragraph was good. and i suddenly got SO MANY BURNING QUESTIONS.
omg damn happy. i want to become an econs freak. YAY.
okay ya. moving on. -still floating in happiness-
20th century, violin harmonics are damn interesting. i wanna learn! zZz i can't even play violin.
pw lecture was spent mugging for an expected-just-in-case-surprise-asian-test (always got surprise test one)
went for asian, went through previous test -_- haha.
aft that sch ended, went to eat lunch with michelle gladys rox gerdine. freaking full.. damn.
gladys was laughing about how it ALWAYS rains during movie under the stars lol.
home for math tuition aft that. rest, dinner, rest, rest, rest (slack)... sleep.

sat
went early to fengshuify hahaha. mole! lol.
sectionals aft that, ensemble pieces! fun fun. romanfest, 4241!
listened to a different vers of romanfest then lunch at void deck.
someone helped to tapao chicken rice for us, thanks :)
combined at vg aft that, dr lee left early. choreography was interesting.
sectionals, settled choreography. fun stuff!
combined sectionals, romanfest.
dinner at hollandv, unhealthy unhygienic hawker food :l
talked lots, left before 9. met kristen along the way, decided to go back to holland for starbucks :P
read gp package, dad came to fetch at 10plus.
home, rest, bathe, mug.

sun mus'art beautiful sunday
overslept so didn't join the pasir ris gang for breakfast.
bused to esplanade, got stage pass then went backstage.
my soles started screwing up cause the inner layer of fake leather turned out to be a sticker
so it scrunched up and irritated me. gah. but had to stick with it la.
to think i bought it for 40 bucks and its AMERICAYA brand.. wth
and to think its only the SECOND time i'm wearing it (first time was muse).. double wth.
okay moving on, rooms weren't open yet so read gp package in green room.
the rest came, went to our rooms to setup/warmup
rehearsal for an hour plus, lunch.
everyone kinda backed out of lunch so it was quite annoying.
read gp package for half an hour before going out of backstage to meet weijie lihong stuart for lunch.
met lihong's friend at marina mac, went yoshi.
back to esplanade, went backstage, more gp package.
changed, took section photo, warmup.
got ready backstage then beautiful sunday performance started.
guess it was the 'best' out of all the previous pracs and rehearsal
felt as though we weren't together somehow.
but we pulled off the entire concert quite okay so ya.
spaceship yamato, miyazaki's works, spirited away, prince of egypt, beauty and the beast, the incredibles, little mermaid.
oh i destroyed a very nice low G semibreve :( like at the start of spaceship yamato.
i squeaked at the end of the note. that kind of 'yii' screeching squeak and not the irritating 'toot' squeak.
other than that i guess all the songs were alright.
didn't really like, extremely enjoy myself like other concerts but heck la.
some parts were nice, others were really quite off..
somehow there was no mood throughout the peformance
like, i'm not hyped up or excited about it. more like sian.
don't know why.. maybe the repetoire or just me? oh well :(
out of all, i guess enjoyed miyazaki's works and little mermaid most.
yup. hm.. feeling sad after thinking about some stuff.
but nevermind, moving on, aft the performance went back to rooms to pack
met em and stuart at the stage door, saw lots of juniors haha
wanted to go mug, but kinda hungry so went pacific coffee.
wanted to mug somewhere else cause our table was extremely small
so went to marina, couldn't find anywhere to mug
decided to go back to esplanade library to mug, firstly on the floor then on the high table :)
bumped into evona! haha pleasant surprise.
left at 6plus, bused back home, my left little toe started to hurt real bad so i sort of limped home.
and my screwed up soles didn't help. gah.
reached home 7plus, bathed, dinner.
i've almost finished my gp package, and i've lost hope for math (ie planning to fail).

-

this week has been really tiring.
perhaps cause of the accumulated lack of sleep, the daily stress, band pracs, workload, PEE AYE (PI !#$%^&*)... etc etc.
as you can see i have been zoning out and switching off during like, ALOT of the lessons.
during lectures and certain tutorials (ie. hint the most detestable subject hint)
i find that i absolutely CANNOT keep awake at all, which is seriously BAD..
and the only thing that wakes me up (and leaves me feeling more awake for the rest of the day) is mep.
somehow la. i suppose interest helps? i don't know.
if that's the case, i wish for all my first periods of the day to be mep.
yeah yeah, 2 out of 5 of my school days start with the most hated subject. i can keep wishing.
talking about wishes, i really wish we would have a change of tutor.
she makes me hate the subject. seriously.
i've lost interest in the subject TOTALLY just because of her.
i'm just going to fail a levels at this rate.

band is so complicated. such a complicated community, complicated system.
it always provokes my thoughts.. have been thinking quite a lot (aiya usual la.)
perhaps my internal debate has got to do with humanity.
maybe i am disappointed in myself again.
becoming numb.. oh well.
i feel sad cause the pain is coming back.
if you understood how i felt before muse, perhaps you'll know what pain i'm referring to.

i'm becoming SO detached from -..
and i blame it on you, bitch. you absolutely polluted - with your nonsense.
do you really think you're that good? like are you that freaking pro?
do you really think you make such a good leader?
and stop acting as though you're like the hottest and prettiest girl in the universe
because in actual fact you look freaking disgusting.
i'm so disgusted by your attitude and arrogance.. sucking up ey?
selling yourself in front of everyone.. i can't stand snobs like you.
pride comes before a fall, watch it.
eat your own elitist shit please.

life is like a sine graph =)
10:12 PM

20070414

oh man i just watched like tons of riverdance clips on youtube
OMG damn nice, i wanna watch the dance!
to think i missed last year's riverdance just because of O levels.. GRRRR D:

aiya my math and gp die already.
i don't think i can study tonight ):

life is like a sine graph =)
12:31 AM

20070413

feel rather inspired.

hansel and i were discussing about the syf results
we talked about the different schools and how the judging went.
somewhere during the conversation he said something that made me realise what syf was all about.
he said, nvm, gold in heart can le. this time no gold then next time lor.

and yeah, it really makes sense.
what matters most now is to play our best and know that we deserve a gold, no matter what results we get.
for acjc, it would be a gold with honours.
it is about how much we deserve the title.
the people who listen to our music on the big day will know what we deserve, no matter what we receive from the judges.
so let us show the world that we deserve our gold with honours.

-

my dearest cgssb, i'm so proud of you girls!
all of you did mrs chua proud as her one and only gold band (:
so glad you guys did it! you all really deserved it cause on the day itself you guys sounded great!
love all of you! great job :)

to haising, ngee ann and anglican,
hey all, though i didn't get the chance to hear you guys play, i believe all of you put in your best yea?
don't be discouraged by what the results as this year's adjudication is really strict..
we all were once mrs chua's gold bands, so lets all be her gold bands once again in the next syf!
cheer up guys! good effort :)

-

enough of motivational stuff, back to reality.
lets all ask ourselves this question.
do we even deserve a gold?

reality check, people.
its time to wake up and start practicing.

-

it has been a rather taxing week.
updates after beautiful sunday.
come if you're free, we're playing anime/movie music :)
3pm, esplanade concert hall, foc. hope to see you there :)

life is like a sine graph =)
10:17 PM

20070409

recaps!

tues
can't really remember what happened. quite numb.
pe was 6 rounds around the track woohoo!
no mep for the day cause timetable still shifting around.
i got mr woolhead for my h1lit tutor YAY YAY YAY :DDD dewei rejoice!
went to eat something aft that, then band.
ran through all pieces. not much improvement? i don't know.
i think we dinnered at holland or something, can't remember details alr.

wed phantom of the opera :D
got freaking blacklisted by my tutor the first period of the day.
fine, its my fault for being tired/sleepy/tired/sleepy.
got damn pissed off so for that 4periods of shit i was in a damn bad mood.
literally snapped at my classbandmates. sorry guys.
oh for lit we watched great expectations. the modern version is so krrkrr cricketcricket la HAHA.
mep was analysis i think. math was damn cool, nl4! whee
contact time was.. boring i can't rmb what happened.
lunched, sectionals. band went for dinner, i practiced a bit more.
didn't go for combined, cabbed home to drop my stuff and then to esplanade.
went to esplanade library for a while then went citilink to meet wanky.
gobbled down our food at asian kitchen cause we had like 15mins left to phantom.
started running when we heard the bell ringing hahaha
managed to rush into the theatre in time pheww :) yay yay PHANTOM :D
recorded the whole opera teehee. but anyways the orchestra rocked! lovely music.
the beginning of the musical was a bang! it was great, i loved the transition.
chandelier rocked! props rocked totally. singing was fantastic :)
its was a great show except that the major climax wasn't climatic enough.
i expected phantom and christine to be at the very top of the theatre during the staging of phantom's opera.. but heck la the ending wasn't that bad.
go watch it people! its kind of worth the money la.
thanks to wanky and parents for fetching me home aft phantom :)

thurs
sat with marm for lit :) :) :) hahaha he always falls asleep.
mep was briefing about syllabus i think.. econs tutorial then breaked.
gp was crap, 4period chinese was COOL MAN i love the classroom! 2.1 DAMN COOL :D
sat next to the window and daydreamed woohoo the wind was super fun.
math lect, end of day! can't remember what happened, think went to dover for dinner first?
band till late, worked on all pieces.. yeah. i think we went blk5 for dinner/supper with dr lee aft that.

fri
gp, math, gym pe. michelle and i spent the last pe period cycling 20+km i think hahaha.
break, econs tutorial, break, pw lecture (snore), asian. oh got thrashed at asian surprise test haha.
prac aft sch @ mep centre. then went tiong with bize ben stuart to get concert gifts.
apparently we created a new group called b2s2 (b square s square)
which means bize benjamin stuart samho. or rather bitch square slut square (LOL) or bullshit square -_-
ah whatever. got the stuff then went back to sch to 3.6 to practice/do concert gifts
ordered pizza hut in (super not filling) and left sch around 10.
kept the concert gifts in the secret library :) teehee.

sat
band prac! sectionals, lunch, combined. ended early around 5.
went to cj band concert by cab with stuart and ben, got lost in their school.
listened to the first half and we got so hungry we decided that dinner was more impt and we left. sorry! :(
bused with mel lambchop marm to fareastplaza and walked to taka for dinner
took a super long time to choose where to eat, ended up at yoshi.
tapaoed mos inside, after dinner we crapped and recorded retarded stuff until past 10
mrted/bused home, super tired.

sun MUSE
supposed to meet bize ben stuart at starbucks for brunch but in the end no time
went to school straight, started moving out stuff, giving out gifts
thanks enjia for fixing my hair! :) :) :)
soon we boarded the bus to esplanade, checked into backstage, settled into rooms
walao we should have gotten the guys' room man, so spacious compared to ours haha
had soundcheck then breaked. practiced a bit more, took photos etc
dinner at artists' lounge then more break, the warmup on stage and all that
excos talked to us backstage just before the concert started and then we were off to rock the house.
festive oveture started and ended well, a few slips in between.. especially for the part i saved my section.
ben flipped his score and the score turned back, he and eileen missed those 2 bars altogether
dorance flipped and didn't have time to breathe and play on the dot,
i flipped the score and played. (i don't know what kenneth was doing)
nobody else played for those 2 bars.. what a close shave.
moving on, colonial was alright. my tone went a little flat at bar 29
but i played the best i could for that important section of melody.
quite a few parts not following dr lee though.
march was quite okay, kinda messy at the last page.
i skipped the running notes the second time at F to take a huge breath for the highC long note ):
aft that we had break, intermission. went out to meet cher :D haha she gave me chocs!
met jialin ianthe prila :) yay yay they were all there in body and soul (inside joke :D)
met weijie who gave me a bouquet :D thanks thanks x) so touched :)
had to go backstage aft intermission, warmed up, got ready for our second half.
went on stage, did tosca :) for me, it was good. a few places were out of tune but generally it had the effect.
it was probaby the best piece of the night, but not the best we ever played.
huiru you rock! your solo was great, no worries! yay :)
roman festival was a huge disaster. we felt the horror on stage, unquote yingda.
after r.29 we rushed like crazy and got lost before r.30 where we barely managed to follow dr lee
and something wrong happened 8 bars before r.42, etc etc.
it was a disaster. we screwed it all up. it felt so bad.
i have my own opinions about why we screwed up but i'm not going to put them here.
moving on, phantom the finale was pretty okay, just that the band was too big..
intonation problems and lack of togetherness etc etc. heck la.
the organ rocked, loved the sound of it. but the feedback was nobody could hear it.. rah, wasted.
yup so the concert ended, we packed up and went out via loading bay.
got onto the bus and there was this huge havoc.. frustrating.
reached school, deposited stuff at qm room and helped percussion etc.
by the time we finished it was midnight and we were all hungry haha
dr lee fetched all of us in a few trips to hollandv crystal jade yay! thanks dr lee :)
had some weird noodles for supper and talked.. left around 2am in a cab for bize ben me.

mon
mum let me sleep in, woke up at noon.
received news that gladys and i were in deep shit.
rushed to school, recorded techniques, got scolded etc.
oh well. it was actually okay. until ---.
nevermind. shan't say anything else since everyone is reading this.
fish and chips :D lol.
went to meet ben then walked out to bus stop to wait for bize stuart.
they bused from hollandv, bize went to sch and stuart joined us.
went to my house to slack/eat/'do work'. damn late lunch.
they left around 8.30, did some work after they left.
slept early cause i started to feel super feverish.

tues
THE LONGEST ASSEMBLY EVER OMG. it started at 8.10 and ended at 10 D: -jawdrop-
religious emphasis week indeed. edwin and i died.
ate up our 4period chinese, left with a period and a half of pe which we ran and did jumps.
minibreak before practical lesson, i need to get a tutor now..
econs lecture, edwin slept haha, math tutorial, harmony, break, lit (free cause mr woolhead was at west side story)
went acsi with ben aft sch to eat but only got a drink cause we realised we were quite full lol.
saw ruth's bro there! hahaha.
back to school for band debrief, comments comments.. auditions.
so many people cried.. sorry gerdine michelle, i didn't do anything..
went home with a heavy heart. started to get a bad throat.

wed west side story :)
bad bad sore throat.
barely survived 4periods of gp in library.
chinese was knockout, laoshi scratched my arm to wake me up.
lit was free cause mr woolhead was at west side again.
short break before analysis followed by math at nl4 yay yay.
(btw i shall proclaim 2.1 and nl4 as my fav classrms :D hee)
econs lect and contact was spent copying math tutorial.
sectionals, we did safari and roman wheee safari is so fun.
aft sectionals trained to citihall to change trains to dhoby
but decided to drop by esplanade library to search for the correct score for adagio
turns out don't have. grr i'll either have to change piece or transpose.
bused to dhoby to meet sheree for dinner at yoshi.
trained to clake quay, bought frappe :D got super lost D:
found our way to dbs arts centre with help of dom (thanks!)
went in JUST IN TIME before west side started PHEW.
generally it was a good performance. it was great in fact, absolutely worth the money.
props were impressive, singing was good except for some parts out of tune but thats okay
acting was super, thumbs up to acsian theatre!
like i told dewei i would go again if i had the chance. really.
walked/trained/car home after that, tired tired.

thurs
slept away the first 2 periods of lit then became very awake.
break, mep, econs, break, gp, chinese (fav classrm!), math lect.
rushed techniques commentary after sch zomg.
thanks marm for lending me your account! wouldn't have been able to use a com in sch without it :)
went to the lvl3 com lab to do and the moment i JUST logged in the sch attendant came and said
hello ppl its 3pm time to lock the lab! omg i totally forgot abt the 3pm thing. zzz.
borrowed mx's ezlink card to use library com, thanks mx! :D (teehee i kept his ezlink for the following 3 days)
finally finished at 4, suddenly realised the 2nd bar was notated wrongly
started rewriting the entire composition and realised i would be late if i tried to finish it there
so rushed to mep centre, many fellow meppers rushing their techniques there too
in the end didn't have to rewrite my compo so handed up on time phewwww.
waited for aaron, went back to lt to dump our stuff then met the section at dover for dinner.
combined, did safari and roman.
band ended rather late so went home. throat got sore-r.

fri band camp! :D
whee band camp! funfunfun :)
dad picked stuart up from bv mrt, ben from the next busstop, dropped us at hollandv starbucks :D
breakfast! had a lousy mango frappe and some sausage roll thing.
got a caramel frappe and a bagel :D stuart ate half the bagel and the cheese thing lol.
ben went to buy breakfast for sarah and section, i did work, we left at 1 and cabbed to sch
dumped our stuff in our dorms then set up instrument etc in hall
combined was all chiong safari and roman.
throat suffered, drained my bottle every 30mins, went to the toilet/watercooler more than 5 times.
oh and i froze. super cold D: thankfully i brought jacket(s).
dinner aft that, weird chicken rice.
sectionals! first time the view from the windows so dark haha.
aft that we put our instruments in the hall, gathered at lt4 for night games! whee.
my bottle disappeared, thought i left it in sectionals room so went with emily to 6.10 to retrieve it.
OMG. damn scary. middle lift, past 6.8, all pitch dark.. and my bottle wasn't there WTH zzz -_-
we skipped our way back to the lift lobby and sang r.34 of roman to keep our minds occupied with happy thoughts.
but anyway. after night games renard told me he put my bottle in the hall -_-
went to the hall and my bottle wasn't there -_-
renard told me he passed my bottle to cynthai -_-
cynthia told me she put my bottle in the qm room -_- zzz -_-
at least i got my dear bottle back. water is heaven. -hallelujah heavenly chorus sings-
yups night games were okay, kinda fun? heard the scary ones were more fun last time.
did stupid stuff like take 4 pics (and get blinded in the dark), record a video in the staff toilet, play scissors paper stone on chairs, compare things in 2 male toilet cubicles, sit on balloons, memorise things on a donation board, find a room amidst the art gallery.
haha, now that i think of it, its lame and retarded. lol.
had fun, gathered at the concourse to hear ghost stories. played some train game, justin pwned like mad.
back to dorms then to canteen toilet to bathe, then supper at void deck.
em and i ate another packet of chicken rice each! super hungry dunno why. ate only half a pack though.
went back to dorms, washed up, settled down, started 'mugging' aka copying notes..
got the news from the boys that ms sng was coming round to check so we switched off the lights and 'slept'
tried to continue 'mugging' but to no avail without light.. decided to give up.
smsed renard ben stuart and talked to em for quite some time before falling asleep.

sat
woke up and switched off my alarm, then back to sleep.
woke up when huiru said wake up. haha.
felt painful from the shoulders D: the floor is so hard -_-
washed up, packed up, dumped stuff in lt4.
breakfast at void deck, nasi lemak! whoo.
took instruments from hall to go individuals then sectionals.
breaked early for sectionals cause benpooi came for extra sectionals aft lunch
went ghihmoh.. i miss bubble tea.
got a new reed frm benpooi yay! sounds nice :)
went for combined aft we did scales etc with benpooi. safari and roman.
as usual throat suffered, drained my bottle every 30mins, went to the toilet/watercooler more than 10 times.
zzz. and i froze again haha.
had break aft combined for quite long, rotted at lt with ben. tried to mug math lol.
dinner at void deck, weird noodles.. and a big amount of it.
back to hall, breaked camp early. packed our stuff, went back to lt to rot.
ben and i waited for bize to go starbucks, stuart pangseh-d us.
kristen joined us, left sch around 8.30, saw some blood-like marks on the floor at hollandv
had caramel frappe again :) kristen's dad came to fetch, thanks :)
end of band camp :)

sun
woke up at 1. lunched, cabbed to mus'art, was super late.
felt so sian about the pieces.. not motivated to play somehow.
break, went to eat a bit, then back.
still felt sian.. don't know why. oh well.
aft prac went home with the usual ppl. dad fetched from bv.
bathe, dinner. end.

-

it has always been passion over perfection.
but for syf i think passion must come with perfection.
if you cannot play you don't deserve to be in syf band.
there's no use saying that you can play when you can't.
i'm not saying this cause i'm trying to hint to someone or bitch about someone.
this applies for everyone, including me.

to tell you the truth, i do not dare to comment about muse.
all i have blogged about is how i myself feel about my own playing and the sequence of events.
i don't dare to say it was a good concert. and i can't bear to say it was a bad one.
there are so many contradicting comments from reliable sources.
how can i bring myself to believe in the good comments when bad ones exist?
this always happens. thats why people become low self-esteemed.
we force ourselves to believe it was bad when it was actually good
because we are afraid that if we believe it was good then we would become complacent. right?
i've heard too many comments about muse i don't have my own anymore..
it is best to remain silent.
however i believe that on that night i did the best that i could at every moment.
so i am pleased with that fact and that fact only.

when can there ever be a good, satisfying concert?
why is it always that everyone will be disappointed after every concert?
will there ever be a concert when everyone will be happy about everything that happened?

why? so many questions..

so many things to work on, i really hope my throat heals tomorrow.
i'm giving it a 1 day grace from clarinet to heal. please heal!

life is like a sine graph =)
12:57 AM

20070408

so many things happening so fast
hope i can update soon so i won't forget these memories..

i think this blog is becoming a fake blog.
everyone freaking reads it.
i can't be my true self anymore.
i can't tell the truth here anymore.
so whatever you read here...
it may be a lie for all you know.
guess i'll have to start faking my emotions here again.. how troublesome.
if you want to know the truth come and talk to me in person. i'll reconsider.

btw i'm damn sick ): annoying sore throat haunted me during band camp ): grr.

life is like a sine graph =)
12:32 AM

20070402

sometimes i wish i were a normal student.
a normal student in a normal cca with a normal subject combination.

not saying that band is special or my subject combi is extraordinary.

i just get into a lot of deep shit often. make that all the time.

btw i'm not very happy about what he said.
its not that we are what you said we were. we just don't click with everyone in the world.

updates about last week and muse coming up soon.

life is like a sine graph =)
9:30 PM

20070401

this is it.

MUSE.

the best is now.

life is like a sine graph =)
12:37 AM